(Sung to the tune of MY SHARONA with apologies to Doug Fieger)

Oooo my little free agent, my free agent
When you gonna give me some time Texeira?
Ooo you make the offense run, the offense run
Enjoy being stranded in Washington, Teixeira

Never gonna win, give it up
Such a money grub
you’ll always get it up, counting stats
for that paycheck stub
My My My Yi Yi You LOSE – Ma-ma-ma Mark Teixiera

Come a little closer now, will you huh?
Close enough to gaze at Lackey’s Ring, Teixeira
Keeping it a mystery with Scotty B.
Just keeps you fed and fat and jewelry free, Teixeira

Never gonna win, give it up
Such a money grub
you’ll always get it up, counting stats
for that paycheck stub
My My My Yi Yi You LOSE – Ma-ma-ma Mark Teixiera

When you gonna join a team, join a team?
Is it just a matter of time, Teixeira?
Or is it just your destiny with Scotty B., Scotty B.?
Did you and Scott win the pennant in your minds, Teixeira?

Never gonna win, give it up
Such a money grub
you’ll always get it up, counting stats
for that paycheck stub
My My My Yi Yi You LOSE – Ma-ma-ma Mark Teixiera