In the spirit of good sportsmanship, I just wanted to send out a big congratulations for the hard fought victory tonight. It was a long, grueling series to cap an eventful season, and I want to pay my respects to that.
So without further ado, my heartfelt congratulations to the Seattle Mariners, Texas Rangers, Cleveland Indians, Kansas City Royals, Florida Marlins, Yomiuri Giants, and Oakland Athletics on their big ALCS win tonight. Without your selfless sacrificing, inability to sign lucrative enough deals, and tireless scouting efforts to harvest the finest talents in the world, this victory would not have been possible. The New York Yankees are forever in your gratitude for doing the real leg work that they have been so incapable of for a decade, so that you may be cast into their shadow for yet another season.
Congratulations again...and here's to another decade of being the REAL talent and brains of baseball. Don't forget to spend that $3 million that'll trickle down to you from the luxury tax so you can sign Scott Schoenweis to a one year deal to restore competitive balance.
Go Phillies. I'll be rooting for you to crush
Wal-Mart the Yankees.