The Absolutely Essential Trades for 2010

by sothball on Nov 16, 2009 8:50 PM PST Comment 25 comments

Trades I want to see. Really, these will work!

- Draft Tommy Lasorda and trade him back to the Dodgers for Matt Kemp and Vin Scully.

- Package Physioc and Al Davis in a trade to Kansas City for Mike Jacobs, Matt Grienke, and a really bad broadcaster to be named later...much later. Like in 2014. And I have this crazy instinct Al Davis will work his charm in KC and trade the entire city for Georgia Frontiere.

- Sign Manute Bol and then trade him to Boston for Jason Bay. We can sell this! Imagine a guy 7'-7" patrolling the Green Monster. Can't miss...

- Trade Matt Kemp and Jason bay to the Yankees for Alex Rodriguez. The plan is starting to work...stick with me!

- I just realized I didn't actually have a previous trade for Al Davis. Sorry about that!

- (Insert whatever crazy trade you want in this space).

- Trade Jacobs BACK to KC for George Brett's infamous pine tar bat.

- Take some practice swings with the pine tar bat against Al Davis' head. If it doesn't break (the bat that is)...the plan gets closer to the ultimate goal!

- This is the easiest part of the whole scenario...trade Alex Rodriguez to the Dominican Republic to lure Pedro Guerrero out of retirement. This is our almost ace in the whole (or hole...whichever).

- Matt Kemp and Jason Bay get traded to the 2001 Arizona Diamondbacks for Luis Gonzales.

- You should now be cognizant of this ultimate ingenious plan...

- We now trade Matt Kemp and Jason Bay for...get this...Samuel L. Jackson!

So here's my line-up for the 2010 ALCS against the defending champs...

- Curtis Granderson (this wasn't in my trades, but I figured I had no choice. I had to inherit this one).

- Abreu

- Pedro Guerrero! (He was so good in the '81 playoff's against the Yanks...can't miss!!!)

- Samuel L. Jackson! (He was GREAT in Pulp Fiction!!)

- Luis Gonzales! (The only guy to ever get a game winning World Series hit against Rivera!!!)

- (Who's on first)

- (Doesn't Matter...he'll be swinging the infamous PINE TAR BAT!!! Ha!)

- (What's on second)

- (Matt Grienke...just because we want to give the Yanks a fighting chance).

Pitchers??? Aw...we have Grienke. Who needs anyone else?

If this somehow doesn't work, we have Vinny to help soothe our misery, and we are FINALLY rid of the Phyz! Vinny and Huddy...what a team! Are you ready for a delicious Farmer John Hot Dog? You will be!

OK. None of this makes sense. Is it any different than any of the other trade suggestions posted in the last 3 weeks? Maybe someone can swing another trade for Georgia Frontiere. To patrol center field. Or for batting practice.

If you trades aren't at least as ridiculous, don't bother. Please. Somehow, I doubt we'll be disappointed.

This Fan-Post is authored by an independent fan. Tell us what you think and how you feel.

2 recs | Comment 25 comments

Story-email Email Printer Print

Comments

Hmmm...

Soth: So Samuel, is your swing good?
Samuel: Shit yeah. I got my technique down and everything, I don’t be ticklin’ or nothin’.

RIP Nick Adenhart 4/9/09

by vlad IS my man on Nov 16, 2009 8:57 PM PST reply actions 1 recs

cocaine

what made a winner out of bogota had made a loser out of mister trade thread…

by Rev Halofan on Nov 16, 2009 8:58 PM PST reply actions 0 recs

you forgot the essential

re-sign Quinlan and GA. Then trade them for Jose Guillen. Then trade Jose Guillen to the Pirates for McCutcheon.

Aybar is a nowhere man, Sitting in his Nowhere Land, Making all his nowhere plans for nobody.

by princeton11loveshalos on Nov 16, 2009 9:03 PM PST reply actions 0 recs

and then McCutchen for 1970 Johnny Bench

we need a catcher!

Thank you, Nick Adenhart. You will always be remembered. #34

by howiestheman on Nov 16, 2009 9:48 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs

Wait, are you serious?

ho ho ho.

Do it for Nick '09

by BryanHarvey'sMoustache on Nov 16, 2009 9:12 PM PST reply actions 0 recs

You, sir, WIN.

RIP Nick Adenhart.

"When the Babe tries to call his shot, I hope Nick puts one in his ear."
--RallyMonkey5

by Clutch on Nov 16, 2009 9:21 PM PST reply actions 0 recs

So how about this:

Can we somehow get Vlad’s brother Wilton Guerrero (who thinks he can run straight from 3rd to 1st without re-touching 2nd base on a tag up)? We can trade him for Jorge Posada and Larry Walker who can’t remember how many outs there are.

by BrownLunchSack on Nov 16, 2009 9:47 PM PST reply actions 0 recs

Dohhh, why didn't I think of that?

It was all so obvious sitting right there in front of me…………………………

People ask me what I do in winter when there's no baseball. I'll tell you what I do. I stare out the window and wait for spring. ~Rogers Hornsby

by K3YEROUT on Nov 16, 2009 11:37 PM PST reply actions 0 recs

Trade Willits and GMJ to the Cards

for Pujols. If they need a prospect, throw them SOS. They dont watch West Coast baseball, lets just tell them they are all Babe Ruth, Ty Cobb, and Barry Bonds incarnates.

Then Rivera to the Yanks for Rivera.

Fuentes to the taco stand for lunch, then cut him.

Izturis, Mosebach, and Quinlan to the Royals for Greinke. If they need more throw in GMJ. Dont tell them we already traded him.

Adrian Gonzalez and Heath Bell and the Padre’s stadium for Mickey Hatcher, fuck that guy, what has he ever done anyway?

I brought sexy back, but they only gave me store credit....

by PhiSlamma on Nov 16, 2009 11:50 PM PST reply actions 0 recs

Who the fuck is Matt Greinke?

Is that the animator who created the Simpsons?

"F it, let's pitch." - Ervin Santana

by Chzburger Jones on Nov 17, 2009 12:11 AM PST reply actions 0 recs

He's Mike Plumber's trainer. Duh.

The time is out of joint; oh cursed spite, that ever I was born to set it right.

by chairmanofthebar on Nov 17, 2009 4:39 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs

Matt Groening created The Simpsons

by ryanfea on Nov 18, 2009 9:53 AM PST up reply actions 0 recs

Nice!

I like how how you traded Kemp and Bay twice – once for A-Rod and once for 2001 Luis Gonzales.

We should probably work out a trade for 1960 Bill Mazeroski as well to play to play 2nd base.

We're putting the band back togehter.

by billhune on Nov 17, 2009 6:17 AM PST reply actions 0 recs

But.. .but... I need my daily GRANDERSON post!!!!

Angels baseball. We do what we must, because we can -- HaloDutch

by red floyd on Nov 17, 2009 8:17 AM PST reply actions 0 recs

Trade Juan Rivera to the Cardinals for Pujols and a player to be named later

The player to be named later is Juan Rivera.

by Fan Since 1981 on Nov 17, 2009 2:50 PM PST reply actions 0 recs

More absurd ideas

How about we trade rex hudler and an announcer to be named later to the 1925 Washington Senators for Walter Johnson. Then we can re-sign Escobar for next to nothing and trade him to the 1905 New York Giants for Christy Mathewson. And those two will be our pitching rotation for the year.

by Baylorsgroove on Nov 17, 2009 2:59 PM PST reply actions 0 recs