The Absolutely Essential Trades for 2010

Trades I want to see. Really, these will work!

-          Draft Tommy Lasorda and trade him back to the Dodgers for Matt Kemp and Vin Scully.

-          Package Physioc and Al Davis in a trade to Kansas City for Mike Jacobs, Matt Grienke, and a really bad broadcaster to be named later...much later. Like in 2014. And I have this crazy instinct Al Davis will work his charm in KC and trade the entire city for Georgia Frontiere.

-          Sign Manute Bol and then trade him to Boston for Jason Bay. We can sell this! Imagine a guy 7'-7" patrolling the Green Monster. Can't miss...

-          Trade Matt Kemp and Jason bay to the Yankees for Alex Rodriguez. The plan is starting to work...stick with me!

-          I just realized I didn't actually have a previous trade for Al Davis. Sorry about that!

-          (Insert whatever crazy trade you want in this space).

-          Trade Jacobs BACK to KC for George Brett's infamous pine tar bat.

-          Take some practice swings with the pine tar bat against Al Davis' head. If it doesn't break (the bat that is)...the plan gets closer to the ultimate goal!

-          This is the easiest part of the whole Alex Rodriguez to the Dominican Republic to lure Pedro Guerrero out of retirement. This is our almost ace in the whole (or hole...whichever).

-          Matt Kemp and Jason Bay get traded to the 2001 Arizona Diamondbacks  for Luis Gonzales.

-          You should now be cognizant of this ultimate ingenious plan...

-          We now trade Matt Kemp and Jason Bay for...get this...Samuel L. Jackson!


So here's my line-up for the 2010 ALCS against the defending champs...

-          Curtis Granderson (this wasn't in my trades, but I figured I had no choice. I had to inherit this one).

-          Abreu

-          Pedro Guerrero! (He was so good in the '81 playoff's against the Yanks...can't miss!!!)

-          Samuel L. Jackson! (He was GREAT in Pulp Fiction!!)

-          Luis Gonzales! (The only guy to ever get a game winning World Series hit against Rivera!!!)

-          (Who's on first)

-          (Doesn't Matter...he'll be swinging the infamous PINE TAR BAT!!! Ha!)

-          (What's on second)

-          (Matt Grienke...just because we want to give the Yanks a fighting chance).

Pitchers??? Aw...we have Grienke. Who needs anyone else?

If this somehow doesn't work, we have Vinny to help soothe our misery, and we are FINALLY rid of the Phyz! Vinny and Huddy...what a team! Are you ready for a delicious Farmer John Hot Dog? You will be!

OK.  None of this makes sense. Is it any different than any of the other trade suggestions posted in the last 3 weeks? Maybe someone can swing another trade for Georgia Frontiere. To patrol center field. Or for batting practice.

If you trades aren't at least as ridiculous, don't bother. Please. Somehow, I doubt we'll be disappointed.

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