The Angels Need More Stats

There are plenty of statistics within the baseball world that attempt to explain a player's performance.  Traditional numbers such as batting average, earned run average, and fielding percentage have given way to more complex metrics like wins above replacement (WAR), win probability added (WPA), and ultimate zone rating (uZR).  While most fans are able to find the information they need based on their desired depth of research, Angel fans have special needs not covered even by the newer, complicated metrics (by "special needs" I don't mean the rigatoni/breadstick ratio of the post game spread, but on-field performance metrics).  Below are some stats that may be useful in describing or explaining Angel player performance.

G-Spot
A player's Guerrero Spot, or G-Spot rating is defined by the area of a player's pre-existing strike zone multiplied by 2.75.  The G-Spot multiplication factor can increase when there are runners in scoring position and 2 strikes on the batter (not to exceed 10^5).

Usage Example: "Eddings called Morales out on the pitch to the screen because it was within the G-Post."  Or, "Although that pitched bounced in front of the plate, It was in Figgin's G-Spot and he should have swung."

Aybar Sliding Scale
The Aybar Sliding Scale (ASS) is computed by adding a player's on base percentage to the team's winning percentage divided by the number of errors by the player plus team losses (BA + tWP)/(E + tL).  A player's ASS rating will replace the perceived valuation of a player based on his impact on team performance.  When evaluating a player's ASS, the smaller the better.  Any ASS rating that exceeds 5.0 is also known as a "Failbar" or "E-bar"

Usage Example: "Napoli went oh-for-four, but he still has a nice ASS." Or, "Did you see that shitty play by Matthews?  His ASS is going to get pounded!"

Mathis Effect
A Mathis Effect (ME) is directly proportional to a catcher's batting average/pitcher's ERA and the number of ME deficient players in the batting order.

Usage Example: "Weaver only allowed 1 earned run, but lost because of the ME."  Or, "Although the Angels allowed 12 runs, they still won because their ME was .000."

Dula Quotient
A player's DQ is the most subjective metric since it is based on the the official scorer's (or game thread participant's) judgment.  Plays resulting in the robbing of home runs, getting clutch hits, or performing outstanding defensive plays will have a higher DQ than routine plays.  A negative DQ can be expressed in QQ, or Quinlan Quotient.

Usage Example:  "That diving play by Izturis saved a run.  I give it a DQ of 7."  Or, "I'm going to DQ.  Who wants an Oreo Blizzard?"

Voodoo Probability
Used to predict a starting pitcher's outcome based the quality of pitches (Range of 1 to 5, 1 = Bad-Ervin and 5 = Good-Ervin).  There are no known calculations for determining the result, but can be based on the quantity, velocity, and location of a pitcher's slider.

Usage Example: "No wonder Trevor Bell lost, he had a Voodoo Probability of 1.76."

A new addition to the "stat book"...

Luminous Attempt In Defense
The Luminous Attempt In Defense (LAID) metric, measures a players ability to finish off the play or "put the play to bed".  A player may get a high LAID score by laying out for the ball, making a diving play up the middle, precision ball placement, or making numerous position changes during one contest.

Usage Example: "When Napoli went down on his knees to make that play, you just know he's getting more LAID!"

(Thanks so much to Ladybug for the LAID suggestion.  You are SO getting LAID!)