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'Twas The Night After The Winter Meetings .... An Angels Baseball / Christmas Fable

by Raaddad on Dec 17, 2010 4:47 PM PST

Twas the night after the winter baseball meetings

And all through Halo space

Not a Halo exec was stirring; how would Tony save face?

The deals had been shot down, the best FA's were now toast,

The hopes were on St. Borass, jetting in from the coast.

No Crawford, no Willingham, no Lee, and no Vlad;

Was Reagins just hopeless, or had he been had?

The Halos Heaven faithful were all snug in their beds

While visions of Beltre danced in their heads.

And Tony in his red pj's and red Rally Monkey cap

Had just settled in for a long winter's nap.

When out at the Big A there arose such a clatter

The Ninja sprang from his waterbed to see what was the matter.

Away to the window he flew like a flash

Tore open the shutters after hiding his stash.

When what to his bewildered eyes should appear?

But a black Hummer limo and a dude with a sneer.

With his Sox hat, his Ray-bans, his blonde-dyed soul patch

Tony knew in a moment it must be St. Borass.

"I know you're dejected," the man said with a smile,

"but there's still premium FA's out there," and couldn't hide his guile.

"There's Damon, and Ankiel, and yes, Delwyn Young,

And Randy Winn is old but as good as they come.

There's Bloomquist, and Kapler, and the great Travis Buck,

And don't forget Jose Guillen, that lame worthless f**k.

And how about ol' Manny, now don't give me that face...

Or your old pal David Eckstein--can't he play 3rd base?"

"But I know who you really want," he smirked with a wink.

"There's only one guy to clean your post-season stink.

He will hit 30 bombs for ya, with one hundred rbi's,

And his plus 7 WAR will light up your fans' eyes.

He'll make most of those douchebags at Halos Heaven happy,

They'll forget losing Crawford and how much you've been crappy.

A season of ‘Callapso' must be very alarming,

And Izzy and Wood, well . . ." Then he tried to look charming.

"It's my boy Adrian Beltre who'll put you back in the race."

Then a sly avaricious smile stole over his face.

"But you know it's gonna cost you," as he cracked open a beer,

"Let's say 92 big ones for five paltry years,

And another year optional in 2016;

By the way, Soriano is the best that I've seen.

You can have him for peanuts, that's the least I can do.

Why you're counting on Rodney, ha! I haven't a clue."

"Oh help me!" cried Tony, "Get me out of this mess!

"I'll pay any price, and I have to confess

Though nobody knows it, I lost big at a casino,

You gotta save me, St. Borass, from the wrath of Moreno."

He ran to his desk and under Del Taco wrappers,

He found his red checkbook midst the scotch and the snappers,

And write away write away, he wrote out a check

For 200 million, and said, "Ah, what the heck . . ."

"Don't worry," said St. Borass, "those damned sabermaticians,

Can cry all they want, they have no positions.

You all be quite happy in October I think,

Billy Bean and No-no Ryan will be driven to drink."

And as he sprang out the door into his warm limo heaven,

He shouted, "I'll be back for Weave and Kendry, in 2011!"

This Fan-Post is authored by an independent fan. Tell us what you think and how you feel.

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Comments

not a ninja was stirring because he got stuck at the cinnabon in the airport

by Halos in DE on Dec 17, 2010 5:16 PM PST reply actions

Wreck'd!

by Higz on Dec 17, 2010 5:16 PM PST reply actions

I can’t imagine how long it must’ve taken you to come up with this, but it is some quality work. Granted, I always thought this was supposed to have a feel-good ending, and now I’ll be having nightmares about St. Borass coming back for Kendry and Weave..

Faith Focus Finish

by b0rd3rline on Dec 17, 2010 5:17 PM PST reply actions

But damn

I missed the best thread of the month trying to finish this deal . . .

by Raaddad on Dec 17, 2010 5:23 PM PST up reply actions

That's the point.

….now I’ll be having nightmares about St. Borass coming back for Kendry and Weave..

That’s why they cannot allow Borassss to walk all over them with his clients. Weaver and Morales are watching.

by wumbug on Dec 18, 2010 6:31 AM PST up reply actions

all that means is that Kendry and Weave

will be taking the highest offer wherever Boras can squeeze it from.

Does anyone know how many Boras clients have taken less money for the “hometown deal”?

When I'm not at the stadium, I'd rather be watching my Halos back in Costa Rica!

by Dono Romantico on Dec 19, 2010 2:48 PM PST up reply actions

Great job...

Hilarious! You are one of many smart writers on this site.

by land4sale on Dec 17, 2010 5:19 PM PST via mobile reply actions

excellent work!!

"You realize that Ive been posting on AN since 07 on this name and I am one of the most rec'ed posters there right?" - Some douche named DFA from AN

by 2pintsofbooze on Dec 17, 2010 5:24 PM PST reply actions

Awesome.

I was actually working up a similar take using the same source, just last night. I pushed it aside and, after reading this, am sure glad I did.

"Wastin away again in Minor-Leaguer-Ville..."

by Stirrups on Dec 17, 2010 5:25 PM PST reply actions

That's amazing

I guess great minds (or at least minds somewhere beyond mediocre) think alike.
I’m sure your version, Stirrups, would have kicked ass.

by Raaddad on Dec 17, 2010 5:34 PM PST up reply actions

I am totally serious.

I truly had started on the first stanza and was working on

“…and all through the land…”
matching up with
“…not a contract in hand.”

with the content of that being about missing out on Crawford even though everybody expected us to nab him.

But I changed my mind and closed down with the thought of working on it over the weekend.

You saved me a lot of time by punching out a great take. Great job!

Maybe I will move to Christmas Carols…

“On the first day of signings the agents said to me…”

"Wastin away again in Minor-Leaguer-Ville..."

by Stirrups on Dec 17, 2010 9:57 PM PST up reply actions

LOL

We should do a post like that—instead of limericks

by Raaddad on Dec 17, 2010 9:58 PM PST up reply actions

Classic!

One the funniest damn things I’ve ever seen posted here — nice job, Raad!

All I need are some tasty waves, a cool buzz, and I'm fine.

by Quad Fin Rider on Dec 17, 2010 5:28 PM PST reply actions

To wit? Too woo...

And Raaddad did write
A poem of plentiful cheer,
Within it we won Adrian Beltre!
Merry Christmas! Now back to the Beer…

by TheQuestforMerlin on Dec 17, 2010 5:43 PM PST reply actions

Pure awesome

by Suboptimal on Dec 17, 2010 6:35 PM PST reply actions

Nice!

"Ballplayers play baseball." -Jose Mota

by Fred Fredrix on Dec 17, 2010 7:05 PM PST reply actions

Dude, this is amazing.

Well done.

Tim Salmon: The once and future Kingfish.

by Teixeira Who? on Dec 17, 2010 9:02 PM PST reply actions

Excellent job

by WiHaloFan on Dec 17, 2010 9:50 PM PST reply actions

Gracias

The last one really tanked and died, so I wanted to get back on track

by Raaddad on Dec 17, 2010 9:57 PM PST up reply actions

did someone get fired

dude this was nuts

"Uhh yeah, GOLD might get you Jonas Brothers tickets. BLACK will have all three of them sucking your d***." Pat Anderson Assistant to the Assistant GM of Tampa

by DAD OF VLAD on Dec 17, 2010 10:06 PM PST reply actions

That was awesome!

You just brought me some holiday cheer! Now I will go to bed with a smile on my face. And hopefully Beltre as an Angel will be the news to wake up to…

Any time you think you have the game conquered the game will turn around and punch you right in the nose.

Mike Schmidt

by Monkeyspanked on Dec 17, 2010 10:10 PM PST reply actions

Awesome job Raaddad.

I rec’d your post. What can I say, other than you are obviously a Raaddad.

YOU DON'T KNOW THE POWER OF THE DARKSIDE.....

by halofolife on Dec 17, 2010 10:32 PM PST reply actions

LOVE IT

I’ve been singing the “we’re getting nothing for christmas….” pretty much all week long.
This is great – can’t wait to share it with other Angels fans.

I survived the 2010 season.

by angelsfan7 on Dec 17, 2010 10:43 PM PST reply actions

Love it

Great work

Vote Napoli and Hunter for the 2012 election

by M.Napoli For President in 2012 on Dec 17, 2010 11:01 PM PST via mobile reply actions

Epic work.

I've got nothing.

by bc56274 on Dec 17, 2010 11:09 PM PST reply actions

Very nice

You are pretty rad. St. Borass he’s the fricken ghost of Christmas past, present and future.

by LAstands4LovingAnaheim on Dec 17, 2010 11:25 PM PST via mobile reply actions

amazing

you know that guy on jersey shore I don't know about his situation but mine is I'm Awesome!

by Jesse78 on Dec 17, 2010 11:53 PM PST reply actions

Loved it man, thanks

by HalosBiggestFan on Dec 18, 2010 12:07 AM PST via mobile reply actions

LOL

And don’t forget Jose Guillen, that lame worthless f**k.

by RememberDurazo on Dec 18, 2010 12:23 AM PST reply actions

Nice!

It’s nice to read something this winter that isn’t angry and depressing… although the last line made me sad a little.

by Beat The Red Sux on Dec 18, 2010 12:32 AM PST reply actions

neat-o

Ahhh... Yes... Finally back home in SoCal!!!

by stuck in Romania on Dec 18, 2010 12:43 AM PST reply actions

The problem is

it may just take that kind of contract to sign him with us here (5/85-90)
and I don’t think Artie will pull the trigger on that

by Raaddad on Dec 18, 2010 12:46 AM PST reply actions

Very nice!

Sums it up so far so good from our perspective!

Light up that halo! RIP, Nick.

by Clutch on Dec 18, 2010 2:20 AM PST reply actions

Raaddad has just raised the bar, the Guillen line was perfect

was this work the result of knowing that you are starting your holidays with no work for a couple of weeks? My wife came home yesterday in the best of moods knowing she does not go back to work for 3+ weeks! Damn I should have become a teacher, I get 1 day for each week.

12/14/10 4:30 a.m. pst. I wake up to find out that Cliff Lee screwed over both the Yankees and Rangers. The world has truly become a better place.

by steelgolf on Dec 18, 2010 5:21 AM PST reply actions

Exactly

I’m in a celebratory mood. The 16-week semester was brutal this year in addition to coaching 14 crazy ass little 13-year-old dudes in soccer during that same period. Of course, my wife is perched like a grinning vulture with her massive list of honey-dos…

by Raaddad on Dec 18, 2010 9:19 AM PST up reply actions