BREAKING: Scott Boras signs with The Devil, 27 years $1.2 billion
by 101halo on Dec 19, 2010 4:46 PM PST
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PrintA.P. Reporting, 12/21/2023, 11 hours 6 minutes ago -- Agent Scott Boras has come to terms with The Devil for a contract spanning 27 years and just over $1.2 billion. Reports from inside sources confirm that the deal came together quickly following news that a mystery deity had entered the fray with a 26 year offer. It had been widely speculated that The Devil had an offer on the table for 25 years approaching a billion dollars and that that offer had been not been accepted in the week prior to these turn of events.
An official from inside Heaven spoke out about the news, under conditions of anonymity. "The rumors were just exactly that. We never had an opportunity to make an offer. By the time we had reached out to Boras, the deal was already in place."
Boras is expected to assume the role of chief manipulator/negotiator, blood-letter and mouthpiece to The Devil's organization. Going into the offseason, speculation had been rampant that the organization would be the sole bidders for Boras' services, and that the organization would be bidding against itself if it went beyond the 25 year threshold.
Reactions from Boras' prior sport, baseball, were mixed:
"This is of no surprise. Scott held us over the coals so many times over the years, that we knew he'd end up getting the contract he wanted. Hell, I thought this was deal was secretly in place 25 years ago." - Angels owner Arte Moreno.
"I'm a big fan of Scott. This is a steal for The Devil! Did you see the deal he got me?" - Angels catcher Jeff Mathis, on the tail end of a 15 year, $325 million deal that Boras had negotiated following the 2010 MLB season in which Mathis had hit .160/.196/.28 with premium defense behind the plate.
"Scott does a lot of things right, but he never really was a fit for this organization. He can't bunt, and fails at going 1st to 3rd more often than Juan Rivera ever did." - Mike Scioscia, talking over a plate of lasagna.
This news was first reported on Jon Heyman's Twitter page.
This Fan-Post is authored by an independent fan. Tell us what you think and how you feel.
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Too long. Boras's negotiating skillset will have seriously declined by 2050.
I expect that after the first 15 years, his agent UCR (Universal Contract Rating) and CAR (contracts above replacement) will both have seriously dropped off.
Angels baseball. We do what we must, because we can -- HaloDutch
But his CERA (Clients ERA) will continue to be Mathisonian.
This is the space where you write a clever quote or something like that.
by sheisalovelyladyandmyapologiestoher on Dec 19, 2010 8:00 PM PST up reply actions
Oh, and ROFLMAO at the 15/$325MM for Premium
Angels baseball. We do what we must, because we can -- HaloDutch
As far as I can work out...
…they live in the same category as real estate agents, parking attendants and the French – all things which we can manage without
I see red people
What do you call 100 lawyers buried up to their necks in sand?
Not enough sand.
Angels baseball. We do what we must, because we can -- HaloDutch
heyo!
This is the space where you write a clever quote or something like that.
by sheisalovelyladyandmyapologiestoher on Dec 19, 2010 8:03 PM PST up reply actions
Wait, I am confused....
I thought Boras WAS the Devil. How else could he get teams to sign over their financial souls for his players so readily otherwise?
Yep. That and he makes a commission on himself!
Yeah, he’s his own agent to boot!
by Angelsfan015 on Dec 20, 2010 10:20 AM PST up reply actions
So in other words ...
he’ll get back double by a rebate from the Feds for being a small business and hiring a minority
Boras is a nice guy
he is trying to get the best for his players
the problem is the owners who pay the player the amount
"Uhh yeah, GOLD might get you Jonas Brothers tickets. BLACK will have all three of them sucking your d***." Pat Anderson Assistant to the Assistant GM of Tampa
You're the devil!
This is the space where you write a clever quote or something like that.
by sheisalovelyladyandmyapologiestoher on Dec 19, 2010 8:03 PM PST up reply actions
Boras=Devil
Let’s see how much love you have for Boras when He gets Weav & Kendry signed w/MFY!
by AngryFan on Dec 19, 2010 9:55 PM PST via mobile up reply actions
This scenario doesn't make any sense...
…Boras would have made the negotiations far more public, claiming that there’s some nameless other team with a competing bid.
I heard someone say that there had never been so much interest in a scumbag than there was in Boras this offseason.
This is the space where you write a clever quote or something like that.
by sheisalovelyladyandmyapologiestoher on Dec 19, 2010 8:05 PM PST up reply actions
If the money is right
He’ll believe anything he has to. He’s flexible like that!
by Angelsfan015 on Dec 20, 2010 10:21 AM PST up reply actions
i still don't get it
The man does an incredible job of separating billionaires from their money and giving it to the players who earn it by entertaining us fans. And he’s the bad guy?
by Wytelitning on Dec 19, 2010 9:04 PM PST via mobile reply actions
"I still don't get it"
And you never will.
This is the space where you write a clever quote or something like that.
by sheisalovelyladyandmyapologiestoher on Dec 19, 2010 9:14 PM PST up reply actions
Anybody remember the old movie "The Devil and Daniel Webster"?
Just substitute Jayson Werth for “Jabez Stone” — otherwise Scott Boras can still go by his other name, “Mr. Scratch”:
[Jayson Werth is examining Mr. Scratch’s contract]
Jayson Werth: What does it mean here, about my soul?
Mr. Scratch: Why should that worry you? A soul? A soul is nothing. Can you see it, smell it, touch it? No. This soul, your soul, are nothing against seven years of good luck. You’ll have money and all that money can buy.
Jayson Werth: You promised me happiness, love, and friendship!
Mr. Scratch: Just a minute. I promised you money and all that money could buy. I don’t recall any other obligations.
>>>>>>>>>>>>
WiHaloFan — this comic literally writes itself — especially the trial scene where Daniel Webster addresses the The Jury of the Damned who sold their souls for money (Barry Zito, Mark Teixeira, Andruw Jones, etc ).
All I need are some tasty waves, a cool buzz, and I'm fine.
Just look at the past authors of Faust Legends:
Marlowe, Goethe, Kierkegaard, Gounod, Berlioz, Mann, Benet… is there anybody out there more qualified to write the next version than Gardner?
All I need are some tasty waves, a cool buzz, and I'm fine.
by Quad Fin Rider on Dec 20, 2010 12:35 AM PST reply actions
but Faust/ Dr. Faustus/etc.
was always angsted and torn by the decision to join up with the dark side—to make that bargain with the original man in black at the cost of the the very thing that he knew was the most precious to him: his immortal soul.
No doubt Boras would leap to the bargain without a moment’s hesitation lol
But then, who among us could resist such a temptation? (cue in evil laugh)
I would think by 2023,
There would be a merger of Western currency yielding the “Dolleuro” making for no exchange rate in Canada, the US and Europe to worry about.
by Angelsfan015 on Dec 20, 2010 10:27 AM PST up reply actions
There was a SEQUEL!?
This looks amazingly awful, downloading now.
I brought sexy back, but they only gave me store credit....
Believe it or not, that wasn’t even the worst of the Angels sequels
All I need are some tasty waves, a cool buzz, and I'm fine.
by Quad Fin Rider on Dec 20, 2010 2:58 PM PST up reply actions
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