If you asked Angels management why they tendered a contract to Jeff Mathis (and some privileged Old Media type should really get on that), they would probably say they did it because Jeff Mathis is a good major-league ballplayer. That is certifiable nonsense. Since no public documentation exists to disprove any of the following statements, they are all technically more rational explanations than the above:

1. Arte Moreno is using Jeff Mathis as a fence in an elaborate money-laundering operation.
2. Tony Reagins has already received several lucrative offers to sell Mathis's player rights to Japan.
3. The Angels gave up on finding and marketing the game's "best" player and decided to sell its "worst."
4. Every time a nice baseball player gets non-tendered, a cute little puppy dies.
5. The Bill Bergen Foundation made Arte "an offer he couldn't refuse."
6. Jeff Mathis is going to bring the NFL back to Los Angeles.
7. The last position player who hit this poorly is pitching pretty well in the Dominican Winter League.
8. Yesterday was Thursday.

Was I the only person to notice that the famous final line from Bridge on the River Kwai almost sounds like "Mathis"? Maybe I'm just projecting; the movie ends with a British military officer injuring his own cause out of blind pride.