Baseball and Sports - The Great Equalizer

…because I won’t normally approach a Sox or Yankee fan just to ‘talk shop’. I did this time and not sure why. I still really think he saw my cap and just sort of had that look, I can’t describe it.

But the reality is I’m just reading into that and wanted a reason to talk. He looked like a statue in the middle of SBux and I just felt bad. But I also think it’s so cool that someone like him enjoys the simple things of life still. He was having one of those iced beverage thingies with whip cream :)

But still, if not for baseball (or sports), I’d probably never have done that which is sad (at least a sad commentary on me).

The fact is, I was giddy with excitement at having clarity in the moment.

The first part of the clarity had to do with what the title of the post says. I would never have stopped to talk to this person anymore than any other random person at Starbucks. And especially not this person since I would have felt awkward. As I said earlier, that is a “me” issue but it is what it is.

However, thanks to sports (and baseball in particular), I did stop to talk to him. As much as it seemed he enjoyed it, he’ll never know how happy it made me. Never.

Which leads to the second part of the clarity. For a long moment, you are in that zone where you realize what is really important in life and what isn’t. Yeah, it can sound pretty silly to talk about so it’s hard, but I loved how it gave me perspective. Unfortunately, I already feel myself sliding back into the usual rat race of hell and slowly losing that view. He took extreme joy in his overpriced drink and talking about sports. Simple things. Yet through all the pain he must have gone through (or still is), I imagine I’d never want to leave the house. So he made me feel great just by watching and listening to him.

@clover_black: I always imagined you as a self-centered asshole from your posts. I just didn’t need you to confirm it. If karma doesn’t do it, maybe other forces can cause you to feel some of the pain this person must have so next time you keep your mouth shut. But hey, I’m always look to meet new Angel fans so let’s hook up. Chimneysweep Pub in the Valley or anywhere you want, let me know. I travel well.

Post here or email me at angels3rdbase@hotmail.com. Don’t be shy suddenly. I’ll remind you in case you forget.

…too hard on clover that is.

As for the point you made about the children, I think it was very true with this individual.

What bothered me for a while when I thought about things later was how shitty it was that 1) I would never have talked to him if not for baseball and 2) I still felt so uncomfortable approaching him…initially.

A friend did point out that I shouldn’t beat myself up over #1 since when do I ever talk to anyone randomly at SBux while getting some work done on my laptop there? True. I guess I was just more self-conscious about it given his condition. The funny thing is though, I remember looking around and noticed other people on the sides staring at him and not even hiding their long, overt glares.

Not sure why, but it really made me mad. But then I realized part of me wanted to look also, but mostly because I was really curious as to his condition. Why couldn’t he sit (he stood for the entire 50-70 minutes)? What happened to his skin? So then I realized I was having a double-standard since they might have had the same curiosities. Then of course I was angry at myself since what business was it of mine anyway? Weird thoughts/emotions at trying to understand my reaction…and my reaction to others.

As for #2, as you mentioned with the children, it was exactly the same with him. I alone was the one that had an issue when I approached him. As soon as the Lackey crack came out, I was instantly at ease…but he looked comfortable from moment one. And always smiling. Maybe as you allude to, for people who suffer such great pain, they don’t have time to deal with the petty insecurities, self-pity, or judgemental emotions. They are, I imagine, too busy enjoying the happy things as they’ve experienced a life full of misery already and no need to dwell on anything negative.

That is also what still leaves me a bit sad when I talk about it now…because that clarity I did have for a few days after seems so long gone. I’m already fighting with all the clutter and crap that invades my day-to-day life.

If only I can find a way to get back to that space – it was so peaceful and light. I have absolutely no false belief in who was the stronger person that day…and today.