The Curse of the Fourth Chin; The John Lackey Story

I'm going to pull a Halowood here and post two fanposts in a short time period. Be easy on me people, I am emotionally fragile and WILL cry at my keyboard if you flame me too much.

HH meanies aside, this post needs to be done, even if its just to shut BryanHarvey'sMoustache up. 

Here are two pitchers, I would like you to go ahead and play GM and pick one to play on your team based on the numbers:

                       ERA     WHIP    K/BB     BB/9    ERA+

Pitcher A:    4.86      1.500     1.48       3.8      91

Pitcher B:    3.71      1.314     3.30      1.8      115

Now without cheating (CommNate) or getting drunk and lashing out at fellow HHers (Dono Romantico) or making eight rebuttal fanposts (Halowood), lets take a legit guess.....

If you guess Pitcher A was Moises Alou and Pitcher B was the corpse of Babe Ruth you would be wrong Rev. The pitchers compared above are actually..... dun dun dun dun


Pitcher A


Pitcher B........

Well ok not really but its close to the same guy. Joel Pinero is actually pitcher B but I prefer to imagine him like this at all times....... no you're gay.

The Man With Many Chins (and pimples as seen above) John Lackey has a disgustingly bloated  $82.5 million contract and plays for a team who is only liked by those too poor to live in New York and others who want to be drunken wife beaters who live in crap weather. His strikeout rate (5.6 per nine) and walk rate (3.8) are by far the worst of his career and he is consistently pitching in a stadium he has a 5.67 career ERA in.

Awesome signing. 

Meanwhile we have an ex-Sawk who is throwing the ball quite well. His schedule has not been easy, facing the Yankees and Tigers twice, and the Red Sox, Twins and Rays is not easy. If he had the cakewalk schedule some other teams in the AL West have had he might be sitting at a sub 3 ERA, but that is just speculation, but I love speculation so deal with it.

Do I miss Lackey? Nope. The guy was a genuine douche bag with his balls firmly harnessed in a leash by his Red Sox loving gnome he decided to give half his money to in the near future. Lackey frequently yelled at teams on the field, including the 2009 playoffs after inning 1 of game 1 of the ALCS. After Chone Figgins and Erick Aybar let the ball drop in the infield the replays clearly show a harsh profanity filled berating by our Monglodian ex-hurler.

Lackey sounds like Kermit the frog and is not worth the insane contract that the Sox signed him for, not one bit. Sure the Scott Kazmir experiment has not worked out so far, but I think we have a winner in Pinero so far.

This Fan-Post is authored by an independent fan. Tell us what you think and how you feel.

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