Under Full Moon, Santana Sets Off Rangers Annual Collapse

Final Score in Arlington of Dallas: Angels 6, Rangers 2

The Moon tonight, shined really bright
deep in the heart of Texas
Midsummer pride, will soon have died
with annual collapses

Ervin Santana allowed two meaningless solo HRs in eight dominant Innings Pitched against the slowly dying Rangers offense on Saturday night as Texas started their annual midsummer collapse like clockwork.

Of six meager runs scored in the first three games of this series, Michael Young has accounted for three or all but three. It is a fact that may be connected to the Rangers imminent collapse, but baseball players tend to overachieve when they first start using cocaine but start to fall out of their game after continued use.

What else could possible explain the Rangers eking out almost no runs in the Launching Pad of Arlington? To read the analysis of Rangers fans, it could not possibly be the Angels and their superior pitching and clutch LOBster hitting. Cannot be the easy schedule, hmmm... the plot thickens, as do the mucous membranes of the nasal cavity when you party too long in manager Ron Washington's office. But hey, they don't call them "players" for nothing now do they Ronnie?

As far as the standings go, with 40% of the season to be played, the Rangers are going to party like the Angels did in 1995. Sorry boys, coke was illegal back then too, your treasured Miami Vice episodes notwithstanding...

In a game where Jeff Mathis homers, no deep analysis is needed, 'twas the work of the lord, or perhaps the gravitational pull of the July Full Moon setting off the first domino of doubt in Dallas tonight...