Jerry Dipoto: Answer to All our Problems

by Balls and Strikes on Nov 3, 2011 5:24 PM PDT

Or: Explaining the Scioscia/ Mathis Love Affair

This is the Image we all saw of Moreno hiring our new GM:

But what we missed was the story of how this came to be and why Arte had to hire DiPoto.
What we didnt know was that Arte Moreno had recently uncovered Jeff Mathis' secret.

Close up:

Jeff Mathis is a Vampire. That is why Reagins, the mere mortal he is, was unable to kill Mathis and needed to be replaced. So Arte and Co. took off on the road to find the biggest, baddest Vampire slayer around. Friedman was a great baseball mind, but he lacked the knowledge of how to kill the immortal so Arte passed on him. He did however, refer them to Omar Minaya, a good Vampire killer. After a brief interview, however, Minaya informed Arte the best vampire slayer in the world was....

Jerry DiPoto, Vampire Killer.

So Arte Moreno and his associates of geniuses called up our new leading man and informed him of our predicament. "We have been troubled by this problem for 6 years, Mr. Dipoto. We need to get rid of this Vampire and we are helpless to do it without you. Name your price and we will pay it." Dipoto considered the circumstances for a minute and decided he was in. He would help kill our vampire menace.

Little did Dipoto know, that behind the scenes, Mathis- the once most promising catching prospect not named Joe Mauer had not always been a vampire but had become one late one night after a team meeting when meeting with the vampire king. Mathis' ability to hit a baseball had been sucked away along with his humanity and he was left to feed on the lifeblood of his team led on by the king vampire...

This Fan-Post is authored by an independent fan. Tell us what you think and how you feel.

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Comments

I didn't laugh.

by GTFO Fernando on Nov 3, 2011 6:01 PM PDT reply actions 4 recs

....what

I brought sexy back, but they only gave me store credit....

by PhiSlamma on Nov 3, 2011 6:09 PM PDT reply actions 1 recs

Remember when there used to be baseball games on?

I miss those days.

by Evan Gillette on Nov 3, 2011 6:11 PM PDT reply actions

…………………..

I woke up in a great mood; I don't know what the hell happened.

by Monkeyspanked on Nov 3, 2011 6:20 PM PDT reply actions 1 recs

I laughed.

The sheer stupidity and terrible photoshop got me. I LOL’ed.

by Robviously on Nov 3, 2011 6:29 PM PDT reply actions 1 recs

Looks more like MS Paint to me

To sum it up, its bad.

" With Haren bolstering the rotation, the Angels are set up beautifully for 2011"- Another East coast biased reporter

by Halos2011champs on Nov 3, 2011 6:33 PM PDT up reply actions

Mathis' fangs look like some sort of white Cheetos hanging from his mouth and Scioscia's looks like he has rabies.

Napoli's 27th, 28th, 29th and 30th homers of the year (four more than Jeff Mathis' career total) rained down on Angel Stadium like knives from the ceiling.

by 44FAN on Nov 3, 2011 9:44 PM PDT up reply actions

Jerry Dipoto, Vampire Killer

"Its like when i’m right…i’m right… and when i’m wrong…i could have been right..so i’m still right cause i could have been wrong"-Chevy Clarke's Twitter

by ryanfea on Nov 3, 2011 7:27 PM PDT reply actions 1 recs