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Albert Pujols On The Angels: To-Do Lists Around The League

12

Grant Bisbee at it again with the funny! What the rest of the league is going to do after the Angels sign Pujols. My favourites: Marlins - Spray revenue-sharing money from a fire hose into the air and dance under it nude. Text pictures of the debauchery to every remaining free agent, inviting them to join the team, possibly while quoting Al Pacino's pitch to Keanu Reeves from the end of The Devil's Advocate. Mariners - Use own blood to scrawl, "OKAY, SCREW IT. WE'RE MOVING THE FENCES BACK, WE'RE DIGGING A MOAT IN FRONT OF THE WARNING TRACK, AND WE'RE LETTING THE INFIELD GRASS GROW TWO FEET HIGH. IF WE CAN'T SCORE, NEITHER CAN YOU, ASSHOLES" on stationary. Address an envelope to the Angels' front office. Throw the letter away. Spend the rest of the day looking at UZR rankings on FanGraphs.

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