How does Vernon Wells' puketastic April compare to other first-month bed-soilings by other high-profile veteran acquisitions in Angels history? It's right the hell down there, that's how. The only comparable face-plant I could find was Lyman Bostock's infamous 1978. That said, the following list does contain seeds of hope. In chronological order, here's the first Angel March/Aprils of the following big-splash newcomers: Joe Adcock (1964), Bostock, Reggie Jackson (1982), Dave Parker (1991), Steve Finley (2005), and Vernon:

Yr Nm Ag G   PA  AB  R  H 2B HR RBI BB SO  AVG  OBP  SLG OPS+
64 JA 36 11  39  34  1  7  1  0  5   4  3 .206 .282 .235  54
78 LB 27 19  82  75 10 11  3  0  8   5  4 .147 .200 .240  25
82 RJ 36 19  76  64  5 12  0  1  5   9 15 .188 .303 .234  54      
91 DP 39 19  80  77  4 17  2  1  6   2 17 .221 .250 .312  63     
05 SF 40 24  97  87  8 13  3  4 12   7 11 .149 .227 .322  47
11 VW 32 25 116 109 11 19  3  1  6   5 22 .174 .216 .248  32

Why is any list with Steve Finley and Dave Parker cause for anything but suicidal despair? Well, because those two stiffs were much older than the rest of the pack, 7 and 8 years grayer respectively than our $80 million man. And also, because the other three guys from May 1 onward in their bad-April years treated the baseball like Chuck Wepner's face. Particularly the 36-year-old Reginald Martinez Jackson:

Yr Nm  G  PA  AB  R   H  2B HR RBI BB  SO  AVG  OBP  SLG OPS+ (est)
64 JA 107 376 332 38  91 12 21  59 44  58 .274 .359 .500 144
78 LB 128 555 493 64 157 21  5  63 54  32 .318 .385 .400 120
82 RJ 134 545 466 87 134 17 38  96 76 141 .288 .385 .573 155
91 DP 100 421 389 41  91 20 10  50 27  74 .234 .285 .368  80    
05 SF  88 343 319 33  77 17  8  42 19  60 .241 .284 .389  74

Just a little perspective for you commies as you dance around the Maypole. It's been a brutal month, but Vernon won't stay this bad (knock on Wood).