Lyle Spencer also writes for Topps. This was on the latest issue 2011 Topps Jeff Mathis card that my son received at Angel Stadium in one of the Angel team packs.
8 months ago
Downing Rules
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Damn, now that is comedy gold right there.
I wish I had one of these to frame. Wow a walk off RBI in each of the last 2 years. 2 actual hits that mattered out of over 300 games, freakin monster with the bat.
CONGER, CONGER, CONGER !!!
Dude... they were walk-off RBI's, not hits...
that means at least one of them was an out (productive out).
I love this team.
by Downing Rules on Sep 26, 2011 11:29 AM PDT up reply actions
According to Baseball-Reference
Mr. Premium has two game-ending sac flies in his career.
F-ing CLUTCH.
Currently Stuck in Jordan
by Nathan Aderhold on Sep 26, 2011 2:38 PM PDT up reply actions
So dumb
“but he can rake when it counts” yeah… it counts ALL the time.
by TheAntiSox on Sep 26, 2011 11:52 AM PDT reply actions 1 recs
I think Lyle was talking about the infield grass there...
"It's our money," owner Arte Moreno said.
by 44FAN on Sep 26, 2011 12:23 PM PDT up reply actions 3 recs
I think he meant the infield dirt.
If the Halos don't care about the way they play, then why should I?
1991-ish
A friend is reading the NYT obituary page. The guy who invented a punctuation mark for a combination exclamation point/question mark that was used in the 1960s on some typewriters passed away and got an obituary.
Friend starts laughing and says “Is this the entry level mark for an obituary? Can you do less in life and still get a writeup?”
At the time I thought not. Now Mathis has humbled that quick rush to judgement.
by Rev Halofan on Sep 26, 2011 11:53 AM PDT reply actions 1 recs
Meanwhile, the guy who invented Doritos should have statues built for him.
Captain, there are doubt''s...
And be held partially responsible for every over weight teen.
"It's our money," owner Arte Moreno said.
Interestingly enough, Jeff's career is an example of when frequent interrobang use is acceptable
He’s still a starting catcher after how many years
Scioscialist Party of America - Redistributing your defense since 2000.
by Commander_Nate on Sep 26, 2011 1:25 PM PDT up reply actions
There will be no typographical symbol
To represent our collective feelings if the Angels tender Mathis, and his .175 average, another goddamn contract. Even I doubt Mike Scioscia’s love runs that deep, but who knows.
"He rakes when he wants to."
That is what makes his .199 career average so spectacular.
There is still a chace until elimination.
by Angelsrthebest101 on Sep 26, 2011 11:56 AM PDT reply actions
Forgot to factor in the 2011 season.
How bad do you have to be to lower your career batting average five points from .199? You have to be premium.
The 2011 Angels, the biggest cocktease ever.
by Angelsrthebest101 on Sep 26, 2011 3:18 PM PDT up reply actions 1 recs
He did have a great 2009 postseason, and I'm not going to take it away from him.
He went off against the Skanks and brought a big smile to my face. Of course Topps isn’t going to print a card saying “He’s the worst offensive player in the game and one of the worst ever.”
Mathis deserves all the criticism he gets, but he did shine brightly when it counted the most in 2009. Give the man his due for that.
Then DFA him.
alternate text
“While his stats below cannot possibly capture the awesome I know to be true, rest well knowing that my omniscient 4,000 games observed is all the proof needed.”
I love this team.
by Downing Rules on Sep 26, 2011 12:30 PM PDT up reply actions
I don't even see why they put those stats on back of his card anyway.
Those don’t matter. All that should be there is the Win/Loss record for the team next to his CERA each year.
Arte Went Biblical sounded nice until it was clear it didn't involve sitting the twenty-three million dollar man.
by snowhor on Sep 26, 2011 12:37 PM PDT up reply actions 2 recs
That is perfect.
In fact, there should be no stats on the backs of Angels baseball cards, just quotes from Lyle.
(Wretching)
So many fLies on this steaming pile of Mathis.
Go Tampa Bay!
by Halo Hurricane on Sep 26, 2011 12:18 PM PDT reply actions
RAKE WHEN IT COUNTS
Like, uh, maybe September 2011?
Did he rake when it counted then? Because it counted.
this is fake
nobody with a soul would write something like that
I take it you don't have the DOV Secret Decoder Ring
You need to drink more ovaltine
-Quad Fin Rider
My hat's off the writer of that card.
That’s some creative spinning right there.
I meant the OTHER Howard!
by agent_99 on Sep 26, 2011 12:43 PM PDT reply actions 2 recs
where have you been?
Because I’ve been on this board four thousand times and know a good poster when I see it.
by Halos in DE on Sep 26, 2011 2:26 PM PDT via mobile up reply actions
Arte can afford a landscaper but he can rake when it counts.
Kendrys is an MVP caliber 1B but he can break when it counts.
etc.
Captain, there are doubt''s...
I though Mathis had "photos" of Sosh.
But now I think he’s got some of Sosh with Lyle.
A wise man does not need advice and a fool won't take it.
Defensive stats?
Why not show his defensive stats and ranks, since he is a “defensive catcher?” Oh wait, because then everyone would see that he consistently ranks near the bottom of the league in many defensive categories.
will do on a scan copy.
this masterpiece was snapped from section 258 on saturday night when we bought the set of cards.
I love this team.
by Downing Rules on Sep 26, 2011 3:28 PM PDT up reply actions
If I found that one included, I would have returned the whole set and asked for a refund.
Arte Went Biblical sounded nice until it was clear it didn't involve sitting the twenty-three million dollar man.
What's more is that there is a Vernon Wells and a Scott Kazmir to complement this Mathis offering
it’ll be an off-season meme we can enjoy one bloated contract at a time
I love this team.
by Downing Rules on Sep 26, 2011 3:37 PM PDT up reply actions
Really? There is a Wells and Kazmir to go with the Mathis card?
Wow, the trifecta of suck. Tell me there is a Rodney with the crooked cap, oh please, oh please. I going to have to either go to the stadium or online to get these four gems.
CONGER, CONGER, CONGER !!!
oh snap...
how did I forget Crooked Cap/Weird Beard??? Of course, the quad-fecta of suck isn’t complete without him.
I love this team.
by Downing Rules on Sep 26, 2011 3:50 PM PDT up reply actions
Jebus, be careful what you do with those cards Downing R. They will soon be a collector's item.
A wise man does not need advice and a fool won't take it.
Does this cut it?
The original is on my photobucket page:
http://i612.photobucket.com/albums/tt206/downingrules/IMG_3171.jpg
I love this team.
by Downing Rules on Sep 26, 2011 3:54 PM PDT up reply actions
The resolution is fine
A scan would even the lighting and flatten the perspective, making it easier to vandalize. It’s not a big deal, I can work with it as it is.
The boy already put the Mathis card in his spokes of his bike.
I love this team.
by Downing Rules on Sep 27, 2011 8:30 AM PDT up reply actions
Why isn't CERA on the card?
For me, this proves that Soth and Lyle did not write it….
From Jeff Mathis' TOPPS card: "Jeff is a defensive catcher, but he can rake it when it counts." Jeff has a lifetime .199 MLB batting average
Seriously I would throw down a 20 spot for one of these.
I would frame it and hang it in my office. Just epic.
CONGER, CONGER, CONGER !!!
Other career mathis highlights
“got the best hitter on the angels kicked out of town and traded for a pile of Canadian horse shit with a bat.” put that on the card
I take it you don't have the DOV Secret Decoder Ring
You need to drink more ovaltine
-Quad Fin Rider
by DAD OF VLAD on Sep 26, 2011 2:51 PM PDT reply actions 3 recs
I think Mathis hired his girlfriend as his publicity manager and she is doing a heck of a job.
She spends all her time fishing for stats that make Jeff look good and sends them out to all the Mathis-friendly bloggers, reporters and writers for those newspaper things. She flirts with fellow Angel players for complimentary quotes favoring Mathis that she can also include in her press packets.
"It's our money," owner Arte Moreno said.
You are talking about his girlfriend aka the Nun?
Lotsa time to do all that between prayers and lighting candles.
mmmmmm ... Hot wax and role playing ...
I love this team.
by Downing Rules on Sep 27, 2011 8:29 AM PDT up reply actions
Typo in the upper right corner graphic.
It should read “ANG5T”.
Against stupidity the very Gods themselves toil in vain.
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