One week into the Season and we can already tell that this Vernon Wells issue isn't going away any time soon. Vernon has picked up right where he left off last season, endless freefall into nothingness at the plate.
As Angels fans, as baseball fans, as life fans, we don't pay to watch this. We pay to watch the opposite of this. Vernon Wells plays as if he has a full diaper at all times.
Three more years of this is out of the question, Angels fans won't stand for it. We've got great young players we all want to enjoy now, and when the young talent stumbles in pursuit of glory, we can salvage the merit of growth through experience, but how can we cheer for the rancid decay of Vernon Wells?
We all know the only reason Vernon is playing is because he has one of the highest contracts in all of MLB right now. So we are paying for an MVP candidate, hoping he rebounds into an average left fielder this year, meanwhile blocking the path of the future of this team. It's intolerable, and we need to think outside the box for newer and better solutions, I think Arte, Mike, and Jerry, need our help with this conundrum
Other Uses for Vernon Wells...
The Justice Plan: Handcuff Vernon Wells to Tony Reagins for the next 3 years. Period. Simple poetic and true, the two of them can simply live together for the next three years, 24-7. We pay Vernon 63 million to be Tony's Tumor.
Vengence Plan: We pay Vernon Wells 63 million dollars to stalk Alex Anthopoulos for the next three years. To be at every Toronto Game, everywhere, with binoculars always on Alex.
The New Angels Mascot: The 63 million dollar mascot. Vernon is sent to a Theater/Dance School in NY to learn the finest aspects of movement and physical storytelling, he then returns to Anaheim as the finest Mascot in all of MLB. He finds his inner peace dressed as the rally monkey.
Just Chew It! We pay NASA scientist to create the worlds most durable piece of chewing gum. We then give it to Vernon and he does nothing other than chew that same piece for the next three years. It is placed on a webcam continously, at the end of the three years the gum is then fired into outer space. For the space program, a 63 million dollar experiment that has gone sour is really no big deal.
The Retirement Clause: Somewhere in that contract there must be a clause that says, if Vernon retires, he forfeits the remainder of the contract. Have Vernon bunt for the remainder of his career. Defensively position him 15 feet in front of the batters box on the third base side. Play ball.
The 63 Million Dollar Minor Leaguer: A reality television series about the life and times of the worlds most overpaid minor league baseball player. Lamar Odom drops by from time to time, it's not on ESPN just E. Whatever money the show makes goes to the Angels farm system, it's a charity piece.
Write Off the 63 million! Take the remainder of the contract and simply write it off as part of the expense of owning and running an MLB team. Cut him. As a statement, as a gift to the fans, and as a sign the the TV deal had enough in it to write off this horrible Albatross of a contract. Cut him and call it part of the TV deal, a little off the top. Make it better TV now, cut him for the ratings bump, call it what you will. Write it off as advertising. write it off as bad debt, the bubble has burst, just write him off as an extra dependent on your taxes Arte! Write off the debt with a fancy accountant.
I'm sure there are more ideas out there, other uses for Vernon Wells...
Other Uses for Vernon Wells?
Tony Reagins 24/7 Personal assistant for the next three years. (69 votes)
Stalk Alex Anthopoulos and heckle him when possible (20 votes)
Retrain Vernon in Art of Mascotry and let the Magic Unfold (24 votes)
63 Million Dollar Minor Leaguer TV show with Lamar as guest (44 votes)
His Contract becomes some kind of Tax Write Off for Arte Moreno, part of debt bubble crisis. (52 votes)
Experimental Chewing Gum Space Program, the right stiff (12 votes)
221 total votes