To the Team: Alright guys. It’s not as bad as it could be. I spend a lot of time swearing at my computer screen, or in the car, or in bars while watching and listening to your pathetic excuse for a start to the season.
Let me direct the rest of this rant post to individual people:
Mike Scioscia: Let me let you in on a little secret. Players who get regular playing time get in a groove and start hitting. I know you don’t realize this when Pujols is only person actually playing everyday. Small sample size. P.s. I’m mad at you for maybe the first time as a fan. *Cough* Play Bourjos not Wells.
Albert “No El Hombre” Pujols: Envisioning your first season with the Angels I thought about the worst case scenario and imagined this season. Only thing, I imagined it happening 4 years into your contract. This is beyond worst case right now. Get your act together. You deserved to get booed at home.
Bobby Abreu: Thanks for leaving (whoops you didn’t have a choice)
Vernon Wells: Break something, please. Please. PLEASE.
Mike Trout: Thank you. Thank you for being decent so far. Thank you. I don’t think the fan base could have handled you struggling too. While you’re at it, could you lead our offense as a 20 year old? Yes a team with Albert Pujols is asking you to be burdened with this task. But, I think you’re up to it.
Dipoto: You chose the right player to extend in Howie, then you got all extension happy and Aybar’s gonna be here too long. If you trade Bourjos I will disown you.
Peter Bourjos: It’s not your fault. Peter, Peter listen, it’s not your fault. It’s not your fault. Peter, it’s not your fault.
Erick Aybar: Start hitting, you're better than this, not much, but you are.
Mark Trumbo: You are in one hell of a crappy situation. You should get everyday playing time with the rest of them (except Vernon).
The Bullpen (not Scott Downs): You sons of *#I)#(*&)%&)#. Sorry. Didn’t mean that. Frustration took over. Working on the temper these days.
Scotty Downs: Can you pitch three consecutive innings after Haren or Wilson extend their pitch count please?
Mickey Hatcher: Please see Mr. Trump in his office.
Arte: Almost time to go all Steinbrenner on these guys.
Chris Iannetta: I hate you for getting hurt. An offense catcher with regular playing time, never thought I’d see the day with Scioscia at the helm. Now its gone again…
Bobby Wilson: You look like a power hitter, but you’re not. What’s up with that?
John Hester: I don’t know much about you, but I’d recommend trying to draw a walk during your AB’s. Someone has got to make up for No El Hombre.
C.J. Wilson: Living up to every bit of the hype and I’m diggin’ it.
Ernesto Frieri: We need you to be something that no other Angels relief pitcher has been this year. Semi-decent and healthy.
Ervin Santana: You didn’t expect this team to score runs for you, did you? *Scoff*
Jerome Williams: You’ve shown enough good to have a spot until at least the All-Star break. Seriously, there’s no one down there going to take your spot.
Alberto Callaspo: Dude you’re probably the most underrated lower-tier player in the league. Sorry there’s no space.
To the Team #2: Gotta say, it could be worse. Surprised to look at the standings and see we’re 3rd in the West. Things are looking up, and there’s time left. However, you can only say it’s early for so long. I’m still cheering, and I always will, you guys just need to start justifying it this season.