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Somewhere there's a toilet in Texas

Somewhere there's a toilet in Texas,

Down which, this season has been flushed,

Every time they take the field,

give the pipes something to yield

In Kinsler's absence they got awfully hushed.

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Somewhere there's a toilet in Texas,

Down which, first draft picks seem to stew,

and when Houston reaches out,

with that fear, that shame, that doubt,

it makes losing just lose all it's sex appeal.

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Somewhere there's a toilet in Texas,

upon which King Nolan takes a seat,

with a paper under arm,

he can dream about a farm,

and smell Texas Range manure at his feet.

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Somewhere there's toilet in Texas,

Every night the fans they root to fail,

With the big fat open Gulf,

between Championships and Hope,

It's a crying, fracking, lowdown, shameful deal.

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Somewhere there's a toilet in Texas,

Choking on the log of 20-12,

Cause we root for them to win,

pointless games of heat and sin,

Adios, goodbye, here's to your health...

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Somewhere there's a toilet in Texas,

Daniels in the stall, that young sleazeball

well his talent fell to pieces

Biogensis the Rhesus,

O'the monkey laughed and jumped up on the wall.

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O' the monkey, going rally on your ma'

O' the Kinsler F-ing Kurse, of 0-1-6-2-recall

O' the pointless games O'heat, who cares who saw

O' the handle we just pulled, goodbye y'all

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