We have played 12.5% of the season and...

1. If neither the Mariners nor A’s sign Barry Bonds by June 1, this division belongs to the Angels by an easy 12 games. Frank Thomas will not be enough.
   
2. The Angels’ record in missed John Lackey starts: 2-2.
   
3. A week without Howie Kendrick saw us go 5-2, and yet he remains the most-missed Halo at the moment.
   
4. Don’t worry about Shields and Frankie, the bullpen is going to be fine – Justin Speier might need the most help of them all and he has nailed it down of late.
   
5. If Juan Rivera remains the only apparent alternative to the slumping-yet-healthy Gary Matthews and Garret Anderson, assume Mike Scioscia will let them hit their way out of it – into productivity or oblivion.
   
6. After 4 starts each, Ervin Santana looks better than Jered Weaver.
   
7. Joe Saunders is having some great early success, but watch past the 80-pitch mark as he hits the exhaustion wall.
   
8. Jon Garland is going to get the Jekyll and Hyde award by the end of the season.
   
9. Mathis and Napoli are the best catching tandem in baseball and equitable playing time between the two should mean rested superiority late in the season.
   
10. Torii Hunter is the real deal.
    
11. Vlad is pressing and really should be DH more.
    
12. Casey Kotchman may wind up on the all-star team and should already have a gold glove.
    
13. In 4 of our 8 losses, we had the go-ahead run at the plate or on base when the final out was made.
    
14. With his bat and glove, Erick Aybar has made me forget Orlando Cabrera, but Matthews in the #2 slot and Garland on the mound have brought OC back into view.
    
15. I gave up on Chone Figgins before last season and he just surprises me every game. His glove is fine at the hot corner and he is an elite leadoff man – the transformation from overrated supersub to key cog in the machine is complete.
    
16. Like Bewitched!, we have two Darrens. Unlike Bewitched!, our new Darren (O’Day) is better than our old Darren (Oliver).
    
17. Frankie is determined to pitch 50 Saves in his contract year and we might as well let him.
    
18. Scot Shields should be an above-average to very-good closer next season.
    
19. Other than Matthews in the 2 spot, how can you complain about Mike Scioscia?
    
20. Going into play today, we had yet to play a .500 team.

I almost became a Statistical Scold this afternoon.

You know what I am talking about – those assholes who inundate you with numbers to prove a point, the ones who cannot handle when you critique their numbers, the ones who claim to follow the great Bill James but do not share James’ primary traits of being inquisitively open-minded and rarely rigid.

All of their postings are for one purpose only – for you to tell them they are right. Do anything else and you will be scolded for not simply basking in their brilliance. If you disagree with them, you are scoffed at. If you point out the flaws in their methodology, you get a truckload of rationalizations. If you point out where they were wrong, you get more mumbo jumbo about “luck” and “crapshoots” then last month’s doomsaying astrologer explaining how we all survived that lunar eclipse.

Well, the Frankie-bashing was getting to be a bit much. I was going to scold you all, I was going to prove to you all that Troy Percival was just as dramatic and stress-inducing a closer as Frankie and then I was going to call all you Frankiebashers bandwagoneers for not having the memory of a true fan such as myself. But I am not a Statistical Scold; if the point I set out to prove is incorrect I don’t fuss with any other way to prove it – I can accept that my premise is wrong. You cannot tattoo the “EgoTiger” mark of close-minded, imperious arrogance on my forehead.

Well, bottom line, my memory is for shit – Percival’s drama factor (which I determined by using the player’s annual WHIP stat) was lower for almost every year of his career as an Angel than Frankie’s and to make things worse for my assumption, Percy was Frankie’s age when he became closer, that is, Frankie is worse now than Percy was when Troy was 6 years older than K-Rod is now.

Francisco Rodriguez is still a great closer, but he is slightly declining each season – from imperviously stellar to garden variety great. If the miniscule decline is a sign of inevitability, this offseason will be time for a laurel and hearty handshake to our new ex-closer. If there is a mechanical flaw to be perceived and fixed, let’s make the best bid next winter to re-up with Frankietime.

But, for now and the foreseeable future, Francisco Rodriguez is not the Angels best closer ever. Troy Percival was and is and you are not a bandwagoneer for jeering anyone’s stress-inducing 9th innings.