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Shea Hillenbrand

First off, this guy's parents are fucking evil for giving him a name slightly less appealing than Hemmorrhoid Junior, so it is no wonder he is the biggest loose cannon in baseball clubhouses this side of Jose Guillen.

Second, this is easily the worst signing of the offseason and the worst for the franchise since the dreadful Steve Finley signing (to which I was adamantly opposed while the ink was still being blown on).

This is the STIFF middle finger to Dallas McPherson. Forget any talk of Juan Rivera's injury, it is Scioscia saying "F.U., D."

How Mike Scioscia can take a self-proclaimed "leap of faith" on an aging Gary Matthews Junior and turn a cold shoulder to McPherson, a guy whose only crime has been injuries he cannot control (but through which he has worked) ... it is frustrating to be a fan of the pick-and-choose partisan that Mike Scioscia has become.

(Cut to the dialogue between my consciousness and my internal organs...):
The days and nights of playing a fucked-up Frosty Steve Finley over better options ... ah the pain is all coming back.

(Back to conscious description of the future with Dingleberry, er, Hillenbrand):
Smacktalking Hillenbrand is going to kiss up to Mike and have no problem skating at 60 percent in this desperate clubhouse that abounds in cheap young bats who are held back by Scioscia's man-love of thirtysomething millionaire has-beens, or in the case of Matthews and Hillenbrand, Never-Were's.

In other words, the Hillebrand signing is a band-aid we don't need for a wound we do not have prescribed by a straw-grasping manager whose love of veterans has never been a component of the winning his teams have done.

We're not fucked yet, but we're getting there.