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Steroid Suspect Red Sox Squeak Past Superior Angels Squad

Final Score in Boston: Angels 1, Red Sox 4

Angels pitcher John Lackey still stands as a paragon of athletic virtue no matter what the box score reads.

Fighting off the Rangers for a playoff berth, the Boston Red Sox are looking juiced out of desperation. Consider the evidence: Dustin Pedroia is 26 and almost bald. David Ortiz has made it a habit to slump in synch with regular synthetic drug cycles. Daniel Bard throws 99 and Johnathan Papelbon 95... did Manny Ramirez leave behind anything in his locker last year?

The American League's cheatingest team of sleaze and Ben Affleck's lustful affection could not find a way to poison the food of any Angels players, nor transmit pink-eye virus to the middle of the Halo lineup. Perhaps owner John Henry is busy finding a way of profiting off of Swine Flu worry about baseball clubs with character and strong moral fiber playing in front of the assorted local diploma mill "graduates" and grotesque obesities in the stands.