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2011 Angels Stadium Giveaways: A Preview

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The Angels have announced a preliminary 2010 stadium giveaway schedule. Here is my A PRIORI review of the items and events:

April 9: ANGELS BONNET BEANIE - This will be some lame thing that if the girl in your life really wants it, give it to her and get a new girl.

April 12: FLEECE BLANKET - I can almost guarantee by some psychic kinesis that there will be a mid-April heat wave as inevitably coincides with Angels blanket giveaways.

April 26: WALL CALENDAR - the one they gave out last season ends with April 2011, so this is perfect.

May 7: ANGELS TROLL - Maybe this explains keeping Jeff Mathis on the roster.

May 8: MOTHERS DAY SUN HAT - Go ahead and rub in my mother's recurring skin cancer.

May 10: ANGELS WRESTLING MASK - How many kids will put theirs on and body slam dear old dad?

May 11: ANGELS REPLICA HAT - Probably the "gold ring" edition.

May 24: MORALES BOBBLEHEAD - An improvement over his 2010 BobbleAnkle doll.

May 25: SIX PACK COOLER - Call it a hunch that Cupie is first in line for this game.

June 7: ANGELS NEWSBOY HAT - Uhhh... They're called "bloggers" now. I guess Arte likes Matt Drudge.

June 11: POST GAME CONCERT - You lost me at the cast of GLEE singing the National Anthem before the All Star Game.

June 28: TBD ("to be determined") BOBBLEHEAD - Take the unders on this being Alberto Callaspo.

July 7: FLASHBACK HAT - Pray it is not a "Winged Logo" revival.

July 9: POST GAME CONCERT - Perhaps Paul, Ringo and two Ouija boards make an appearance.

July 19: ANGELS HALL OF FAME SHIRT - Is this the year Robb Quinlan's jersey is retired?

August 2: ANGELS BANNER - To hang in the living room until your wife comes home.

August 4: ANGELS FLAT BILLED PLAID HAT - Because the back of your closet shelf can never have too many crushed old Angels giveaway hats you will never wear in public if your life depended on it.

August 6: POST GAME CONCERT - That cantina band from Star Wars is looking for a gig close to the desert.

August 16: 50TH ANNIVERSARY MUG - on Madonna's 52nd birthday!

August 18: GNOME BOBBLEHEAD - Did Arte shave last year's beard yet?

August 20: POST GAME CONCERT - I'm going to take this opportunity to brag that I saw Social Distortion play a backyard party in the OC in 1979 and it would be hard to top that performance even if this performer plays in tune.

August 23: RALLY MONKEY CHIA PET - We can mock our own franchise better than fans of other teams.

As always, a few more will be added. Every Friday will be one of those four-minute firework shows that never follows the appointed music and every Sunday will be the family thingy for kids and their bored parents.