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Pettitte to Replace Buchholz as All-Star, Skeletor Says

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Clay Buchholz will not be appearing in the All-Star Game due to injury. Who did Joe Girardi, Master of Evil, announce will replace him? You don't suppose it was the major-league strikeout leader and home town ace, would you?

Or maybe the near-consensus most-valuable pitcher in the American League?

Or how about this guy (he's pretty good too)? Of course not! Given an opportunity to wax his own Grayskull next Tuesday, Skeletor will be pleased to call upon favorite lackey Andy Pettitte, alias Two-Bad, to perform the service.

Now Pettitte is having a fine season. He ranks 22nd in WAR among AL pitchers. That also means there are 21 other guys ahead of him, most of whom will not be All Stars, including three of the top five. "It wouldn't be an All-Star Game without at least eight Yankees!" Skeletor contested. With Nick Swisher, a.k.a. Clawful, leading the final vote, this year's game might yet be saved.