Angels Hitters Smack Around John Danks as Joel Pineiro Applies Figure Four Leg Lock In 6-2 Win Over Chicago

The Angels came out roaring in this one, delighting fans with a barrage of early hits, making the score 3-0 after just the first inning. The Halos were obviously out for blood after being embarrassed the night before...it also didn't hurt that they were going against John Danks, who never seemed to get settled on the mound, and when he did the Angels would just send another contact single right up the middle. The game never seemed to be in the White Sox grasp, which is exactly what one should expect on Lucha Libre Mask Night. Yes...there was an Angels victory this evening. But let's stay focused here, people: THERE WAS A GUINESS WORLD RECORD SET THIS EVENING.

Okay, okay. So that's a little silly. But these masks have some mojo. I'm ecstatic that this game was such a rout, so as to not anger any of the purists or puritanical Angels fans that dared put this amazing promotional stunt in the realm of minor league carnival barking. I mean, c'mon. This game had it all!

Alberto Callaspo was bouncing the ball around like it was The Rock coming off the ropes, about to deliver a Peoples Elbow, and the White Sox were summarily turned into jabronies

Joel Pineiro was reminiscent of early 90's Ultimate Warrior, coming at the White Sox with unbridled pitch location and thunderous punch-outs that had most of their lineup looking like puny wimps, cowering in the corner of the ring as he just toyed with them until it was time to tap out. Outside of the home run given up to Paul Konerko, Pineiro was making smart pitches and was in cruise control. He continues to impress in his return from injury, and is reminding Halos fans that this team may have more than two aces. If he continues this, our rotation will be an embarrassment of riches.

And then there's little Maicer Izturis and his home run. A shot just barely over the left center wall, it was an early dagger to the White Sox and John Danks. It was an immaculate back-flip off the turnbuckle that not only sent a resounding message to the White Sox, but also got the crowd at a fever pitch, and ready as ever to don their lucha libre masks in the 5th, which is when the Guiness world record was set.

So the Angels offense cruised. Pineiro cruised. The wrestling masks rule(of course)...and there was also a Merle Haggard sighting? What the heck? Seemingly out of nowhere, the Okie from Muskogee was spotted on the broadcast hanging out in the box seats. He was cheering along, wearing a cowboy hat, Angels jacket and that trademark beard. Just when I thought the game couldn't get any better....there was Merle Haggard, representing the Halos.

Angels win. Pro wrestling masks. Merle Haggard.

That's the America I know and love.