Friday HaloLinks: Dudney Ranger Field Edition

Welcome to that large patch of wasted emptiness stuck far, far to the east: Texas. A land where when two trains happen to meet at a railroad crossing each shall come to a full stop and neither shall proceed until the other has gone. Where it is illegal to drive without windshield wipers, even if your vehicle doesn't have a windshield. Where criminals are required to give their victims 24 hours oral or written notice and explain the nature of the crime to be committed. And where you can find a law where horses may not be ridden at night without tail lights.

Before we focus on the wetlands of the mid-west, let's look at Halo news:

• IANNETTA GONE FOR 2 MONTHS: The biggest news on the off day yesterday, as tipped here by Angelsrthebest101, is the announcement that Chris Iannetta is lost for 6 to 8 weeks due to a wrist injury incurred during Jered Weaver's no-hitter. A week ago. And only now surrendering to surgery. So if they had acted a little sooner it might now be just 5 - 7 more weeks. Anyway, Conger is not yet an option due to his own recent trip to the IL. So deep into the Minors we go! I know this should feel super painful, but I don't think that Iannetta was making that heck of a difference between our normal offense being the putrid thing we have witnessed, versus being some gargantuan black hole of vile defecation it might otherwise have been. Sure, this is piling on. But this is like driving on your temp spare and worrying if you are gonna make it to the gas station, while your steering wheel fell off 10 miles ago.
• TREVOR RECKLING GONE FOREVER: pattimelt breaks the news that the one-time darling of Those Who Place All Their Faith In The Promise Of The Promising has finally run out of gas.
• PETER BOURJOS, GOING...GOING...???: Check your mill cartons. We can now officially close the book on the vast confines of Target Field in Minnesota. After succeeding in the opening game by going 1 for 2, scoring 1 run and driving in another, Peter Bourjos never made it back out onto the grass, despite the promises of Mike Scioscia. Vernon Wells, it should be noted, spent those next two games going a gaudy 1 for 7. For those of you who fail to remember,Peter actually IS our reigning Gold Glove outfielder. Tough to repeat from the bench...so Petey may have Jerry Dipoto for working hard to get him back onto the field, ANY FIELD, even a field where Scioscia isn't the decision maker. Overnight rumors have Bourjos possibly going to the Washington Nationals, the Kansas City Royals, the Arizona Diamondbacks, and the Toronto Blue Jays. Credit 5thStarter for monitoring MLBTradeRumors and bringing us the news.
• IT'S GOOD TO BE KING: The New York Times must have decided that Bryce Harper is going to be their boy. After Mike Trout has a monster game against the Twins, going 3 for 5 with 2 doubles, 2 runs scored, 2 RBI, and 5 total bases, the NYT headlines their recap as "Pujols Leads Angels to Victory". I sure hope that what we are seeing with Trout is him warming up to his recent AAA levels now that he has his MLB legs underneath him.
• MLB FANCAVE UPDATE: Kate Upton + our very own Ricardo Marquez + dancing. Somewhere Mayheminthehood must be weeping...

MORE AFTER THE BREAK...

FRIDAY

LA Angels vs. Texas Rangers @ arlington (that's a small "a" to yu) - 5:05 PM Start (FS-W)

C.J. Wilson (L) 4-2 2.61 vs. Yu Darvish (R) 4-1 2.54

SATURDAY

LA Angels vs. Texas Rangers @ arlington (that's a small "a" to yu) - 10:05 AM Start (FOX)

Jerome Williams (R) 3-1 3.38 vs. Matt Harrison (L) 4-2 5.11

SUNDAY

LA Angels vs. Texas Rangers @ arlington (that's a small "a" to yu) - 5:05 PM Start (ESPN)

Jered Weaver (R) 5-0 1.61 vs. Neftali Feliz (R) 2-1 3.38

As I type this, there is a 70% chance of a rainout for Friday, a 50% chance of a rainout for Saturday, and a 20% chance of a rainout Sunday. As boring as this would make the weekend, it might help us defer these head-to-head matchups unti such time as this team pulls its collective head out of its own derriere. Then again, the Texas Rangers just got dragged through a double-header against the Baltimore Orioles, so this would mean 5 games in 4 days and render them ragged for Jered Weaver on Sunday. That would be nice! But if the Friday game goes off as scheduled, CJ Wilson back in Arlington is great. Yu Darvish on the mound as his replacement is greater. Yu having to face the team that signed CJ is the greatest!

• This date in baseball history: 1932 - Fourteen year old Joe Schultz Jr. comes in as pinch hitter in a Texas League game and garners a base hit, two stolen bases, and a run scored..........1950 - Ted Williams responds to booing Red Sox fans upset at a fielding error by flipping them the bird three times (once for the fans behind each part of the outfield) and then spitting at them later after stepping out of the batter's box (On this same day in 1991 Albert Belle would pick up a baseball and use it to nail a heckler.)............1954 - Jim Command drives in the only 6 RBI's of his career in a doubleheader, including a GRAND SLAM off Carl Erkine in the opener..........1955 - Ernie Banks hits his first of five GRAND SLAMS to break a Dodgers 11 game winning streak..........1956 - Danny Kravitz of the Pirates hits the first homer of his career, a walk-off GRAND SLAM to best the Phillies..........1971 - Steve Dunning hits the last GRAND SLAM by a pitcher in the AL for 37 years..........2000 - Manny Ramirez hits a first inning GRAND SLAM to help the Cleveland Indians defeat the Kansas City Royals 16-0
• Not the strongest ARM yet to play shortstop, but perhaps the strongest BRAIN: I guarantee that this 6 year old shortstop will NOT grow up to be Erick Aybar. Sure, his coach was right there barking at him, like every pee wee baseball coach who ever lived. But watch carefully and you can tell that this child was 80% self driven on this amazing play. Speaking of pee wee coaches, true story: My baby brother was on a tee ball Little League team that was winless all season. It was the last game, mid-week, and their coach claimed to be busy (chickenshit of a guy, now that I think of it). So he recruited my older brother and his buddy from across the street to coach the last game. Two 14 year old kids as coaches of fifteen 7 year old pipsqueaks. But kids get Little League in a way that dads fail to grasp. Just have fun. So my brother instituted one simple rule: hit the ball and don't stop running until you get tagged out or score. That little squad of misfits danced joyously off the field and into their summer vacations that afternoon after winning by something like 25 runs.
• BALK!: Now it really WILL be a balk, just like we fans have always felt. Major League Baseball is about to institute a new rule to rid all of us of that ridiculous "fake-a-pickoff-to-third-and-spin-to-see-no-real-good-reason-to-throw-to-first-base" move. In all my years, I do believe that I have only ever seen it work once.
• CONDOLENCES: The Boston Red Sox lost the voice of their stadium this week, as Fenway Park PA announce Carl Beane was killed in a car accident. For those lucky enough to experience your favorite team playing in their home ballpark a lot, that is like losing an old friend. We should all be sad. For me, that sadness stems from the same place as does my hatred for kids doing the PA work on home Sunday games. I want my PA guy. That voice is comforting.
• AHH, DON'T WE ALL LONG FOR OUR DAYS IN RACOON COATS: Ok, fellow old farts. Time to get hip. Sweeping the Intertubes is Harvard's baseball squad performing karaoke to Call Me Maybe. These are your future lawyers, bankers and inside traders of America basking in the comfort of their grade-inflated training as that eternal beer-fueled ass-hat that you will cross path swith at upscale bars. You know the one. He will always be ready to remind you that their inevitable pro-career as the next Cal Ripken was interrupted solely out of their sense of duty to serve their society. From The Hamptons.

Rangers Fans are the most smartest-est of them all. 4 home runs and a billion RBIs in one game, and Josh Hamilton still fails to draw the majority vote for top player in the game..........Over in LegacyLand, Vlad Guerrero returns to Canada. Nice choice of team, right there in the mix, even though it's only a minor league deal so far. For a guy who spent a lot of Halo time on busted wheels, he sure does land on his feet a lot..........The Texas Rangers got off to a poor start on there way to 5 games in 4 days. In the first inning of the first game, against he Baltimore Orioles, the Orioles hit three consecutive home runs from the first three batters. That is the first time that has ever been done in the history of the American League.........Make no mistake, Ryan Flaherty is never going to have a long career in left field like Garret Anderson!

And now, the obligatory moment we take out of our day, each Friday, for beer.

It is illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing.
The entire Encyclopedia Britannica is banned in Texas because it contains a formula for making beer at home.

Which explains everything.