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Bobby Wilson Mustache: Goatee Killer or Village Person?


Put yourself in Bobby Wilson's cleats: You are scrunched down behind the mound receiving pitches from every Angels ace and suddenly, one day, you look out on the mound and see yourself on the hill. You go out to talk to yourself and discover that Bobby Cassevah looks so much like you that while everyone might joke on occasion that all white people look alike, you cannot even tell the difference. Bobby C and you both have that stocky redneck Caucasian look down to a tee. And to top it off, your wilderness facial scruff creates the appearance of a mutant offspring of a cross-pollinated werewolf and a chipmunk.

And there he was, standing on the mound looking at himself when he realized that salvation was just a razor away.

Within a week his doppleganger had been removed from the pitcher's mound and sent down to the minors while Bobby-W had groomed himself into Angels lore with a stunning horseshoe-shaped mustache.

But what exactly was this facial hair construction? We know it to be the civilized sculpture carved from a wild outgrowth and not a cultivated deed. Is it a goatee killer? Is that bare skin on the chin the true subject matter of Bobby's dances with razors? Is the glorious stache merely an ornate frame for the statement that the good old boy goatee has gone the way of the mullet in redneckdom?

Or maybe sometimes an icon is just an icon. If that stache is the subject, is it an homage to the ultimate baseball singalong, YMCA? IF Bobby Wilson is emulating the cop from the Village People, perhaps he is doing so as a hope that the Angels might actually have a pop classic broadcast during the seventh inning stretch at Angel Stadium instead of the current anthem about losing, Buttercup....

With the well-paid C.J. Wilson, there are two Wilsons on the team. Even though Bobby Abreu has been gone a while, and three Bobbies have taken the field this season. So to stick out, a guy might just have to side with the fans. Is Bobby Wilson the player grooming on behalf of fans who want a great seventh inning singalong that becomes an anthem? Young man, are you listening to me? Would you take YMCA over Buttercup? Bobby Wilson says "Shave your way into greatness."