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Angels Royals Three Game Series Preview

<em>You may find yourself in another part of the world and you may ask yourself <strong>MY GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE?</strong></em>
You may find yourself in another part of the world and you may ask yourself MY GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE?

The Kansas City Royals blow into town after their prolonged post-All Star Game homestand. I don't even have to look at the standings, I know the Royals are doing lousy, They are probably in last place in the AL Central. Let me google the standings and see...

Oops, I was wrong, they are a half game ahead of the Twins for last place in the AL Central and worst record in baseball. There are three National League teams worse than either of them. They did however lose on Sunday to the Twins.

OFFENSE: I know for a fact that George Brett is no longer on the team. I know they traded DeJesus to the A's a while back and that Bo Jackson is gone and they traded Carlos Beltran many moons ago. Hmm. Oh yeah, Eric Hosmer is on my fantasy team and is kicking tail. Okay that is a start. Alex Gordon and Jeff Francoeur are on the team but I just happened to look up at the MLB Network while Francoeur was making one of the plays of the month.

Monday Night: Bruce Chen versus C.J. Wilson ...Lefty Chen is no All Star but Wilson has been downright lousy since the All Star Game, maybe it is the blisters on his fingers but he has been walking more batters than he has faced if that is humanly possible. Actually it is not and he hasn't but Wilson has been merely mortal and Chen has treaded water. We will see if C.J.'s struggles are actual or just a testament to the strength of the Yankees and Tigers, his two most recent opponents.

Tuesday Night: Will Smith versus Garrett Richards ...Lefty Smith is a former Angels prospect who was part of the trade that brought Alberto Callaspo back to Anaheim. He wouldn't make our major league rotation and there are three ahead of him in AAA Salt Lake. Richards had lots of offensiev support in Detroit and pounded the shee-shee out of the the strike zone against a potent tigers lineup for seven innings of shutout ball. Let's see what he can do at home against a homely bunch of hitters.

Wednesday Afternoon: Luke Hochevar versus Jered Weaver ...Righty Hochevar delivers the battle of the Boras clients. If you have to assume we will win one game, assume that it will be this game.

And in case you thought that I could get thru a discussion about the Royals without reminding everyone that their broadcast crew is Steve Physioc and Rex Hudler, oh no, fasten your seatbelts...

Back when the insipidly cloying half-clown half-nun baseball announcer Steve Physioc was an Angels broadcaster, he lamely attempted to make fans feel a connection to the city the Angels were visiting by bringing up some of the local culture, narcissistically implying that he could rattle off the holdings of the permanent collection of the local art museum were time allotted for that on the pregame.

The day the Angels dumped this moron was one of the greatest days in the history of the franchise. I am reminded of this every time the Angels play the Royals. Sister Mary Physioc would gurgle with lust over Kansas City Barbecue as if the entire populous of the metropolitan area there were an HR Puff-n-Stuff sequel (I know teevee shows don't have sequels but I'm on a roll here) where a baseball team suddenly finds itself stuck in a land of walking talking meat slabs and they have to find a way to protect their magic bats and get home. All he talked about was Kansas City Barbecue without ever telling you one thing about the barbecue OR the damn game you were watching him announce. This moron would yammer the phrase "Kansas CIty Barbecue" with an unctuous combination of academic pretense and sugar-coated superficial sincerity.

More used-car salesman than family law soul destroyer, Physioc would be so dangerous in the wrong hands if he were not so in love with his reflection in the camera lens. I flat out do not miss him.

Can you imagine Rex Hudler trying to learn three syllable words to express his excitement over MIke Trout on Angels telecasts, though? Ahhh, what shoulda been...