Basically, the Angels need to take this series, and a sweep would be nice, and the good news is that if any team on earth could cooperate with us, it would be the 2012 Red Sox... and in front of their troglodyte fan base at their clogged toilet of a home field.
I almost wish we were chowing down on chowd for four games this Boston franchise is in such disarray. You probably will not recognize many of these players, as the classic Red Sox lineup you have come to know and despise has been dispersed into various wings of the Balco roid rage witness protection plan. The fans, however, are still gestating, led by the small army of mustachioed women with the size 89 waists singing Sweet Caroline from the two rickety wooden seats they had to buy to fit their butts in at the most overpriced fake nostalgia trip since Spielberg's Back to the Future trumped Happy Days as fake Americana that never happened.
Here are the pitching matchups for the series:
Tuesday, 4:10 PM: Ervin Santana versus Aaron Cook - Ervin has been okay lately and Cook is from Kentucky. So this bodes well for the Angels if Vernon Wells can pick out the theme from Deliverance on a banjo from the dugout where he is hopefully benched.
Wednesday, 4:10 PM: Jered Weaver versus Clay Buchholz - Jered is turning into a pumpkin and Mister Clay-B is hitting his stride. This is a tougher matchup than one might think as it involves the Jered Weaver we saw face Tampa Bay on Friday night and not the guy who should have started the All Star game this year.
Thursday, 4:10 PM: C.J. Wilson versus Franklin Morales - This is not Kendry's brother, this is a guy who has surrendered nine earned runs in his previous 17 innings pitched. To be nice to Boston, Mike Scioscia is sending up a guy who surrendered seven runs in his last 1/3 inning pitched.
Boston Offense, or lack thereof...
If we are lucky, Big Papi David Ortiz stays on the DL for these three games. He has been the core offensive force for the Chowds this year. You might recognize a few of the players here, a supporting cast of hooligans, sort of like the bad guys Batman faces not counting the Joker, Riddler, Penguin or Catwoman. Maybe Dustin Pedroia would be Catwoman, ya think?
The Angels meanwhile are in an unforgivable funk that has caused us all to cross our arms and get parental, scowling at the children in uniform "Well, you made this mess little man, now you clean it up." And I sure as heck am not even going to be the one who holds out the roll of paper towels for them to start on the big fix. Don't you either. Just sit back an watch. If they win, hey wild card, if they lose, hey less stupid people in the stadium, in the dugout and on the radio next year.