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2015 Trade Deadline: Our Very Own Summer Blockbuster

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Trade away, Jerry.

Yeah, Robert Stack wasn't in the film version of The Untouchables, but he's so good!
Yeah, Robert Stack wasn't in the film version of The Untouchables, but he's so good!
Getty Images/Getty Images

A five-game losing streak will get you thinkin'. And panickin'. And that's where I am. Sure, I've said before that I think the Angels' 2014 season was an aberration, and that the Angels' 2013 season will be a much more fitting prequel to this season when all is said and done. But after losing five straight games, some of which were winnable and some of which were out-and-out beatdowns, I'm ready to push the EJECT button.

Remember that "awesome" scene in M. Night Shamalamadingdong's third feature, Signs, where Mel Gibson's character—let's call him Protagonist With a Capital P and Some Major Emotional Weight—told Joaquin Phoenix's character—we'll call him Major Symbol—to "swing away", a callback to the way Major Symbol's sister used to remind him to swing away during his minor-league games? Or something?

Well, here we are at the middle of our movie entitled The Angels' 2015 Season: It's Gonna Be A Long Summer. And I'm telling Angels GM Jerry Dipoto to "trade away". See, it's got, like, two meanings: "Swing away", if you remember, is a popular hitting strategy, usually employed at the Little League level or any city where Mickey Hatcher coaches. And "trade away" not only plays on that, but also shows my true motive: I want something new and shiny. I, like so many people on Halos Heaven, enjoy the hope that prospects represent, the chance for that next Mike Trout, that next Jered Weaver, that next Kole Calhoun, the "surefire" prospects and the "diamonds in the rough". To put it bluntly, I want the dreck removed from the roster and the bankable pieces to be cashed in for something(s) resembling a near future for this organization.

"But 5thStarter," you say, "isn't that what the MLB Draft is for?" Well, yes, of course, and I'm eagerly awaiting the moment where we get to watch Jerry "work his magic" with the no. 26 pick in tomorrow's draft. And, oh please, do I hope he's got some wizardry in that coif of his! However, those picks made tomorrow may/most likely may not pan out some four or five years down the road. The purpose of this article is to examine which pieces you all would be okay with moving and we'll examine that by outlining the other side of the coin, the pieces in the organization who are untouchable. Sure, no player is ever truly untouchable, but this is a team that employs Michael Nelson Trout, so we're about as close to that term as humanly or historically possible. On that note, let's get to the list. Now remember, this list only considers those players without no-trade clauses. Obviously (and unfortunately), Albert Pujols is untouchable, because he's got a full no-trade clause. As does Jered Weaver.

The Untouchables

1. Mike Trout as Elliott Ness

He's the leader of this gang of incorruptible agents out to take down the ne'er-do-wells of Major League Baseball. Plus, he's pretty good at baseball. 'Nuff said.

2. Kole Calhoun as Jimmy Malone

Trout's right-hand man, his gal Friday, his Jimmy Malone. Oh. Wait. I already said that. Well, he's got red hair, which makes him look very Irish-American, just like Jimmy Malone. He's also smack-dab in the middle of the proverbial "prime years", and he's just fun to watch. Plus, he's pretty good at baseball.

3. Garrett Richards as George Stone

George Stone was known for his "superior marksmanship and intelligence" (Thanks, Wikipedia!), and I'm thinking that's a pretty good way to describe Garrett. Plus, he's pretty good at throwing a baseball.

4. Shoot. I can't think of a no. 4. I can't think of an Oscar Wallace, the accountant from Washington, D.C., who crunched the numbers and did the gritty, not-very-pretty behind-the-scenes work. Hmm. Carlos Perez? Maybe. Who do you think rounds out this group of "Untouchables"?

The Touchables Trade Chips

Everyone else. Aside from the positve depth Jerry has assembled the past few years—Carlos Perez, Nick Tropeano, Andrew Heaney...er, I guess Kyle Kubitza—I can't really consider anyone off the table in a meeting of GMs. In fact, even the guys I just mentioned have to be considered if the return is good enough. But a lot of our depth is just that right now: depth. They're good and some of them are major-league ready, but the guys who could conceivably help a team trying to get over that hump and into contention are, in my eyes, the following:

David Freese (3B)

Joe Smith (RHRP)

Fernando Salas (RHRP)

Huston Street (RHRP)

C.J. Wilson (LHSP)

Hector Santiago (LHSP)

Matt Shoemaker (RHSP)

Chris Iannetta (C)

Erick Aybar (SS)

Johnny Giavotella (2B)

Matt Joyce (DH/LF Guy With Glove Who Stands In Outfield)

Collin Cowgill (OF)

Jose Alvarez (LHRP/LHSP)

Cesar Ramos (LHRP/LHSP)

Grant Green (UTIL)

C.J. Cron (DH/1B)

Some of these guys could be starters or role players or platoon players or just part of a package for depth. But properly employed, I think they could help bring back some decent returns. Would I be heartbroken to see some of these guys moved? Absolutely. I'm looking at you, Ol' Shoey, Johnny Magic, Admiral and Agent Smith. However, they all have to be considered if we're going to wish on a brighter future.