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Angels Shut Out, Ubaldo Five-O

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And now for something completely different.

Unshaved.
Unshaved.
Gary A. Vasquez-USA TODAY Sports

So I was rolling on a great write-up for tonight's game until I heard Victor say this:

This copyrighted telecast is presented by authority of the Office of the Commissioner of Baseball. It may not be reproduced or retransmitted in any form, and the accounts and descriptions of this game may not be disseminated without express written consent.

Apparently I've been breaking the law. Like, criminal law. Copyright theft is a felony; I know that from all those scary warning screens I have to fast forward through at the start of every DVD.

My attorneys have informed me to refrain from anything a judge might consider an "account" or a "description" of tonight's game. But Twenty Questions is okay. Because lawyers.

Q. Did the Angels lose tonight?

A. You didn't hear that from me.

Q. What was the score?

A. Here are two totally random, completely made up numbers: 5 and 0. They have no bearing on your question.

Q. Sounds like the offense took the night off.

A. That's not a question.

Q. What about Garrett Richards? Did he pitch just well enough to give the team a chance but not well enough to save a punchless lineup?

A. Those are two questions.

Q. Who is the best pitcher ever named Ubaldo?

A. Now you're answering your own questions.

Q. I remember him, he pitched a no-hitter once a long time ago. Did he flirt with another no-hitter with eight solid innings of two-hit ball?

A. Can neither confirm nor deny. But that's a bizarrely specific question.

Q. How crazy would it be if both teams challenged a play at the plate, got a call overturned, and took a run off the board in the same game?

A. Hypothetically?

Q. Now you're asking the questions.

A. Oh, you know what's coming.

Q. I do?

A. A stupid link to a stupid video!

Q. That was really stupid.

A. Yeah, I know, but who watches on Saturday anyways?

Q. Do you want me to answer that?

A. Seriously, though, that game really sucked. So, get 'em tomorrow, or something.