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17 things that would have been more fun than watching the Cardinals beat the Angels 8-1

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Angels get whooped by Cardinals 8-1, their fourth loss in a row. Here is a list of things that, however bad themselves, would be more fun than watching tonight's game.

Sean M. Haffey/Getty Images

Angels 1  Cardinals 8

The Angels are in a bad spot. They've lost their fourth in a row, to the visiting Cardinals in the series opener, and are in a total free fall that is giving fans fits; if they're still watching, that is. Nobody can be blamed for tuning out of these games as of late, because they are U.G.L.Y. Mike Scioscia ain't got no alibi, they're ugly, hey hey, they ugly, my momma said they ugly. THAT'S how ugly they are, guys.

Tonight saw the Angels lose by the score of 8-1, and it was never anything resembling close. The Cards got to starter Hector Santiago right from the first AB, which was a Matt Carpenter homer. From there, it was a bloodbath. Santiago was averaging his fastball in the 89-90 realm, way off what he'd done in the first month of the season, and with recent rotation injuries, now's not the time to be having these scary starts. Except that's exactly what he did.

Santiago would get shelled, the bullpen would get shelled, and Mike Leake was completely blanking the Angels, at one point getting 14 outs in a row. This is a guy that came into the game with an ERA a tick above the 6.00 line...not a badass but he sure looked like one tonight. The Angels finally got a run in the eighth, but big whoop. The damage was done. The Cardinals had a home run hit party in our ballpark and there was nothing the Halos could do about it.

This game was a chore to watch, and it makes me fear for what's to come for this mediocre-to-poor team that is now ravaged by injuries. But tonight was a massacre, and if their are more of these on the horizon then please, hold mem close. I'm scared.

Here are some things off the top of my head that are more appealing than watching tonight's Angels/Cardinals game:

  • a teeth cleaning at the dentist
  • a case of athlete's foot
  • motion sickness
  • watching Twilight: Breaking Dawn pt 2
  • getting into a fender bender in the Ralph's parking lot
  • listening to a neighborhood alley cat give birth at 2 in the morning
  • getting hit in the nuggets by a well-thrown Nerf football
  • watching paint dry and water boil, simultaneously
  • singing "Buttercup" 35 times in a row at the top of my lungs
  • reciting pi to the 30th digit while getting hit in the nuggets with a well-thrown Nerf football
  • giving Arte Moreno a back massage, shirt on...but it's a tank top.
  • tuning into Roger Lodge on 830 AM...just once
  • drinking a Durian smoothie while eating an anchovy and flop sweat sandwich
  • doing lunges, naked, across a field of razor grass
  • being forced to twerk in front of the entire cast of Ballers while they throw champagne bottles and expensive Italian loafers at you
  • smoking bath salts and then hanging out in the local police precinct lobby while reading old Highlights magazines
  • drinking turpentine and peeing on a brush fire
That's just off the top of my head...I could go on. What can I say? I'm just very passionate about how horrible, mangled, wholly unfulfilling and unsatisfying this team is right now. Another beating, another one at home. A nosedive, and it's only May 10th; is this real life?