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Angels drop three touchdowns on Red Sox in historic 21-2 blowout

C.J. Cron, Albert Pujols and Carlos Perez combined to be an epic combo tonight

MLB: Los Angeles Angels at Boston Red Sox Bob DeChiara-USA TODAY Sports

Angels 21 Red Sox 2

The Angels went nuclear on the Red Sox tonight; the team that is cooler than cool as of late got confused, mistakenly thought they were in an NFL game and dropped a few touchdowns on Boston and all their bowlcut brigade who were in attendance.

The shellacking got so outrageous and absurd, at one point I thought “Is that enough? They should just ease off the pedal and try to wrap this game up now” but then I gathered myself, laughed out loud at the silly idea of Red Sox mercy, fixed my gaze back on the television and asked my high def sports god to deliver me MOAR RUNZ.

Hector Santiago was on the mound tonight, the lucky recipient of one of the biggest scoring games in franchise history. He pitched really well, going six innings, giving up only four hits and allowing one unearned run. This was a nice performance on any night, he just happened to turn this one in for a game where the bottom of the order became a ruthless, unstoppable, baseball-smashing force, and it didn’t really call for much, pitching-wise.

The Halos would go on to score an insane 21 RUNS. This was the fourth time in team history that they scored 21 runs, and it was mostly done in two different innings: the 5th and the 7th. In the fifth, they went off on starter Clay Buchholz, with a C.J. Cron two RBI single and a bases-clearing double off the centerfield wall from Carlos Perez.

Speaking of those two, they had some serious games tonight. Cron had already hit a jack before the fifth, and they’d both go on to have five or more hits and at least five RBI...EACH...the first pair of teammates to do that since 1936!

The seventh showed us the greatest Halo Blitz that we’ve seen in a long, long time. They scored 11 runs, the first time they’d done such a feat since May 12, 1997 (White Sox). It was surreal, watching the Angels almost drop a dozen on an opponent in one side. They had all hits and bloops go their way, errors went their way; they could basically do no wrong tonight.

While everybody got themselves a piece of the Red Sox pitching carcass, nobody chewed them up more than the bottom of the order, surprisingly. Cron went 6-6 with 6 RBI, Perez was 5-6 with 6 RBI, Giavotella had two hits, and Andrelton Simmons also had two hits but also added two RBI. That part of the order is normally one big question mark, but tonight they pulled it together simultaneously to become a virtual wrecking ball, and the carnage they brought to Fenway brought a tear to my eye.

Albert Pujols had a huge night, too (2-5, with 5 RBI and a HR), and he, Perez and Cron became first three players to ever have 5+ RBI in a game in Angels team history! Also, Mike Trout was totally Mike Trout (2-5 with 3 runs scored and one walk), what else did you expect? Everyone was hitting their eyeballs out.

The only starter that didn’t get in on it was Daniel Nava, natch. It was a bloodbath; a cathartic, scorched Earth game that played as perfect sporting event AND ultimate, satisfactory fan service.

It’s not every day L.A. can drop a few touchdowns on New England, especially not in July. We have plenty of night left to celebrate this one to the fullest, because it was one tussle that I’m not going to forget any time soon.