Happy birthday to the oldest Halo, Albert Pujols

I’ve been feeling old lately. When I turned 36 last September, I was a few months into some nagging gym injuries that doctors assure me is just normal wear and tear, which must have seemed liked well-mannered reassurance coming from their end, but served as the opposite. Wear and tear? That happens?

Then there was the winter beard I grew these past few months; it was as bushy and burly as ever, only now, to my dismay, it was also littered with gray hairs. The hair on my head is also trying to go gray on me, too, to be honest. Although, due to the cul-de-sac situation I’ve had going on up there for years now, I keep it short enough for nobody to ever be able to notice.

I am no ancient relic, but nor am I a spring chicken. Yep, I’ve just been feeling old. But I am not as old as Albert Pujols, and for that I’m thankful!

As you may or may not already know, Albert Pujols celebrates his 37th birthday today, and it’s a joyous occasion for not just the well wishes we can send The Machine’s way, but it’s also a reminder that, as old as I may be getting, there is STILL someone on the Angels’ organizational roster that is older than I am.

One of these days, I won’t be able to make that claim. Some of you are already at that juncture, and I salute you elder statesmen of the Halos.

Of course, if you want to believe the Pujols Age Truthers out there, then many of you who are on the cusp of oldness may still be younger than old man Albert...just not in public or on paper. If you’re not familiar, there are many people out there who have some doubts on Pujols’ date of birth, and the topic really reared it’s head in the public sphere when Pujols was nearing the end of his time with the Cardinals.

Either way, I’m golden. You should try it, too. If you’re ever feeling kind of long in the tooth, and you were born in 1980 or later, then you can use “I’m younger than Pujols” as your mantra. For all older ages, just commit to telling people “Hey, at least I’m younger than Albert Pujols” on a regular basis. If at anytime someone corrects you by saying “No, he was born on January 16th, 1980”, you should pull them close to you while locking eyes, and whisper “That’s just what HE wants you to think”.

Happy (possible) birthday, Albert Pujols!