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Yunel Escobar is the most powerful hitter known to man (on the Angels, so far in 2017, excluding Mike Trout)

Houston Astros v Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Photo by Stephen Dunn/Getty Images

Yunel Escobar is a slugging legend (so far, in 2017) and his hitting prowess (compared solely to other 2017 Angels players) is matched only by Mike Trout, who is probably the greatest player of all time. That alone should tell you just how lucky the Halos are having Escobar in their lineup. Esky is just so, so studly, and I’m not just talking about the pics on his Instagram account. I’m talking about what he does with the lumber, dude.

This guy MASHES on a level the likes of which you would expect from Paul Bunyan, or something...and that guy isn’t even a real person! Yunel Escobar IS a real person, although I have my suspicions that he’s actually a secret character from Street Fighter II Turbo, but that’s another article altogether.

Seriously, this is a hidden Street Fighter character, right?!

Back to Yunel Escobar and his unparalleled (so far, in 2017, by any Angels player who’s had at least 30 PAs, besides Mike Trout) hitting. We’re seeing a next level Escobar this season, one that probably has pitchers scared out of their minds every time they’re about to go up against him, and that’s because he straight up MURDERS baseballs, man. HE MURDERS THEM!

Thanks to Statcast, (which was probably created just so we could one day talk about how amazing Yunel Escobar is) we can easily see all the ways in which Yunel Tha God is doing some seriously impressive work with the bat this year. Check this shit out, bruh:

He’s got 48 hits with exit velocities 95 MPH or more...that’s 3rd most in all MLB, and the most on the Angels

He’s got an average exit velocity of 90.0 MPH, which is highest average exit velocity on the Angels

He’s got NINE barrels thus far in the season, which is tied with Mike Trout for most barrels on the Angels

He’s got a 438 ft dinger in 2017, which is a max distance longer than any other Angels home run hitter this season

He’s got the second highest SLG (.396), wOBA (.311) and wRC+ (103) of anybody on the Angels

What’s gotten into Yunel Escobar this season? Well, my educated guess is that he’s been inhabited by some sort of power-enhancing Elder God, which is allowing him to knock the cover off of baseballs. That’s just own guess, though, don’t quote me on that.

He was looking slumpish just a few weeks ago, but obviously he broke out of that just like the First Born clawed and smashed his way out of the Earth’s core, after being imprisoned there thousands of years ago, by his angry father, Zeus.

Yep, that’s EXACTLY what Yunel Escobar’s recent slugging surge is angry, badass son of a (baseball) god, who could probably take over the world if he weren’t so busy playing baseball for the Angels. Just another reason we should thank our lucky stars we have this guy on our side.

Yunel Escobar is this team’s ultimate weapon (excluding Mike Trout), and obviously he’s their best, most dangerous, most powerful hitter (excluding Mike Trout), so I am writing this simply to praise him and his otherworldly feats of strength and batter’s box domination.

I definitely don’t want any other team to get wind of this, because then the Angels might trade him. Could you imagine? I can see them trading Trout, but not Escobar. NO WAY. He’s all ours, and all you other GMs who want to make an offer to Billy Eppler, so you can have yourself a third base-playing, baseball-smashing god on your team, I’m telling you right now to not even bother.

Yep, let’s hope Escobar keeps hitting like this for the rest of the year, that way we can DEFINITELY keep him and NOT trade him, for say...some pitching, maybe...or second base help...NO!! That cannot happen.

He’s just too good to let go of, and I know we have lots of front office people who read this site, so I just want to make two things clear: Yunel Escobar is a really, really good hitter and he’s almost* untouchable near trade deadline.

*ok, so maybe, just MAYBE, the Angels will listen to some offers...but don’t get your hopes up, MLB General Managers, ok?