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Angels somehow manage to make the Rangers look even MORE pathetic with 10-1 drubbing

16 hits, two homers, good pitching, and a Texas team reduced to rubble. Angels games rarely get more satisfying than that.

MLB: Texas Rangers at Los Angeles Angels Kirby Lee-USA TODAY Sports

Angels 10 Rangers 1

There are few things as devilishly satisfying as watching the Angels wipe the Big A floor with the Texas Rangers, tonight’s game being an excellent example of this Halos truism. The good guys needed a bounce back victory after living through all the hell that Loser Pigeon had wrought the previous evening, and that’s exactly what the Halos accomplished.

Believe me, they bounced back HARD. 16 hits overall for the club tonight, and an impressive 10 RUNS dropped on the unsuspecting Rangers team, lead by starting pitcher Tyson Ross; those 10 runs were built upon the backs of a three-hit game from Kole Calhoun, and two-hit games from Mike Trout, Albert Pujols, Martin Maldonado and Kaleb Cowart. Two home runs were hit by the Halos total, including a clutch, game-breaking blizzy from Cowart and Albert Pujols’ 610th career blast.

That Pujols HR was sort of the cherry on top of a relentless, tasty sundae, as it gave us a bit of history made before our very eyes; Pujols was now alone in the 8th spot on the all-time home run leaderboard, and even cooler than that, it made him the career home run KING for all foreign born players. That’s a nice moment for a dude who has been having a rough go of things lately.

Ricky Nolasco did his part, too, let’s not forget him. He went just 4.2 IP, giving up five hits in the process, but he allowed just one run, and struck out SIX. Once there was a whiff of trouble in the fifth, though, he was lifted and wouldn’t you know...that’s about when the Angels decided to lift off. It was just a 3-1 game, Halos on top, when Nolasco was done, and by the end of that same inning, they’d have a 6-1 lead.

By the end of the sixth, it’d be 7-1 and a three-run eighth gave them that illusive double-digit tally. It was beautiful, and it wasn’t a hallucination (I don’t think, at least). The Angels were up 10-1 on Texas. The bullpen would give up ZERO runs, natch, and this thing was signed, sealed and delivered to the win column, Keynan Middleton your winning pitcher.

It was a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNGGGGG game, though. Like, it was 9pm and the Angels were still up to bat in the bottom of the fourth. It was worth it, though. If they’re going to be an hour longer than we’re used to, BUT the Halos will turn their division rivals into quivering piles of regurgitated Whataburger combo meals, then I will take that hour and never once complain. Ever.

Now, let’s all celebrate the win a bit, then go to bed and wake up tomorrow and celebrate all over again. Oh, just watch your step on the way out, k? Don’t want you stepping in that pile of Rangers.