The case of the missing Mike Trout-colored glasses

Mariners 5, Angels 0

Matt Shoemaker threw a pitch. There were runners on.

Yesterday, I lost my glasses. I was either sitting inside a building or in an Uber, so I was wearing my prescription sunglasses. I went to the Department of Public Safety, but they didn’t have my glasses. I called my Uber driver, yet he didn’t pick up. And so, being the nearsighted person that I am, all of last night and today, I had to decide whether to wear my sunglasses inside and not be able to see or not wear my sunglasses inside and not be able to see. So I thought about this problem, and I tried to come up with all the possible solutions. In the end, I had nothing. I could either essentially be blind or be blind.

Then Matt Shoemaker threw another pitch with runners on.

Now, at this point, Shoemaker has thrown about two pitches in an hour, so I get to thinking again. Like my regular glasses, Mike Trout allows Angel fans all around the world to see the game of baseball with a positive light. Removing him from the equation, we are all suddenly in the same boat that I was in today. It’s ultimately depressing. Options that this team has, to see Kaleb Cowart or Taylor Ward, to pencil in Luis Valbuena or Jefry Marte, to start Deck McGuire or Odrisamer Despaigne, these are the terrible choices that the Angels faced this year. To be bad or be bad is an equally subpar Sophie’s Choice to my dilemma “to be blind or be blind.” Because Mike Trout really does allow you to see the world of baseball, especially this Angels team, through some rose-colored lens. He finally reached base in the eighth inning, avoiding two straight games of not reaching base (his career high).

Shohei Ohtani, on the other hand, is those transition lens that change color whenever you go inside or outside. We don’t know what he is yet. He could be another glorious player for the Angels for a decade, or he might not.

Shoemaker through another pitch, and his night was done.

There is one average player on this team. He’s average and he’s loved because no one is used to average players on the Los Angeles Angels. People get used to suckitude and see average and think it’s greatness. That’s the sad part about taking off your Mike Trout-colored glasses.

We get to see Mike Trout and Andrelton Simmons and Shohei Ohtani. And they’re not doing much of anything right now.

We also get to see Taylor Ward flail around at third base and Jose Miguel Fernandez take ferocious hacks and Hansel Robles throw heat right down the heart of the plate so even Kyle Seager can hit off him and Blake Parker try to rediscover the magic that he had last year to no avail.

No wonder we’re 17 games out and not going to the playoffs.

Good riddance.