Mike Scioscia watched casually as his Halos fanned the flames, in record-book style.
Facebook was your only friend in this one. Who wanted to look? Who could?
Unless you have friends (and get some, Facebook or not!) — the Angels lost by an NFL score of 21-3 on Thursday.
Football analogies — banned!
The loss was the absolute worst in Angels baseball history.
Tht’s right, the worst!
That’s longer than even this writer has been alive.
Think about it, or don’t. The Angels also tied a mark for most runs allowed in a game if you must dwell in despair.
Unless you’re an Oakland Athletics fan, there’s not much else to see here folks.
21-3 was the final scoreline in Oakland Alameda Coliseum — a fitting place for a collapse. It’s a sure sign that football season is upon us.
Your Angels are now 75-78. They got beaten in nearly every phase of the game in a battle of the Billys — Angels GM Billy Eppler and Oakland Athletics “Moneyball” guru Billy Beane.
The numbers were as ugly as you would think.
If you had to hide your eyes, no one can blame you. The game may not have pulled in the traffic that Facebook mogul Mark Zuckerberg may have imagined.
Fox Sports West was spared the agony of screening the worst loss in Angels’ history.
But that was the only way it was available to watch — Facebook Live — in all it’s glorious floating emojis.
The emojis were too multiple to count.
So let’s add up the ways the Angels failed — in a catastrophe of a game that will be printed in Angels’ media guides for seasons to come.
Mike Scioscia, who agreed to wear a microphone in-game, said he was trying to avoid crooked numbers.
The Angels didn’t do that.
Starter Matt Shoemaker lasted only 2.2 innings and Scioscia had to resort to a bullpen game. The problem was, the Oakland Athletics wouldn’t stop scoring runs.
Scioscia used catcher Fernando Arcia as a pitcher for the second time this year. Lobbing pitches under 60mph, Arcia got rocked.
It’s not Arcia’s fault at all although his ERA soared to 9.00.
“Real pitchers” like Shoemaker had a bad day in Oakland. Shoey got tagged for five earned runs. Relievers Jim Johnson and Junichi Tazawa didn’t fare much better. Miguel Almonte and Deck McGuire got blown up as well.
Was there a batboy putting the ball on a tee for the A’s hitters? It seemed like it.
The Oakland Athletics simply couldn’t stop scoring runs. Behind 1-0, the playoff-bound elephants didn’t panic, they just stepped on the gas.
The green and gold crew put up crooked numbers in bunches while the Angels’ hopes of finishing above .500 fadeded.
Five runs crossed in the bottom of the third inning as Matt Chapman — aka Doug DeCinces of 1986 — smoked a two-run double.
Stephen Piscotty turned it into a rout with a three-run homer.
The A’s led 12-1 by the end of the fourth inning.
A guy named Mike Trout wouldn’t give up. He crushed his 36th homer of the year in the 6th, padding stats that will likely fall short of another MVP Award.
But that was about all the highlights for you, Halos fans.
Oakland got three more in the 6th. 18-2 was the score then.
Nick Martini, owner of the greatest name in baseball, hit a bomb in the seventh off Arcia. Chad Pinder made it back-to-back jobs as the A’s led 21-2.
Arcia was up to the task of being a good-hitting pitcher. He hit his sixth homer of the year in the ninth to give you your NFL scoreline.
Did I mention history?