Lone Ranger Chris Sale utterly dominates Angels, Red Sox win first game

Red Sox 3, Angels 0

The lone ranger strides into town, a piece of straw between his teeth, cowboy hat tipped to cover his eyes. A red bandana finds itself around his neck. It’s been a long ride for this ranger, wandering over the past fifteen days, after exerting himself for his toughest performance of the year down south in (Tamp)buktu. But the Evil Empire then proceeded to shut him down, hounding him every chance they got, as they pulled away in the race for the ultimate prize.

The cowboy was Chris Sale, and he had a score to settle. Five years ago, the Sheriff known as Mike Trout had given him one of the most embarrassing beatdowns the world had ever known. Sale had taken out his anger in the dugout saloon, and he vowed to get revenge. He stripped off his white socks and colored them red, and he was on a mission. That one day he would stare down Sheriff Trout again.

Thursday was that day. Trout and his merry band of Angels rolled into town. There was a quick skirmish, but soon enough, Sale had punched out thirteen Angels, including Trout twice. It was all over in just over two hours.

There was nothing to be said. It had all come out on the dirt. Sale wiped the dust off his shirt, picked up his drink, and walked away into the sunset, whistling Sweet Caroline as he went. It was a happy day for Sale.

He knew he was back in business.

Meanwhile, enjoy this outstanding grab by Kole Calhoun.

Elsewhere, Rob Manfred sees the 2:16 game time and nods approvingly.