We all want Big Albert to torque up his game

To be just like the old days or at least near the same.

The Weave and his magic, the Calhoun attack,

and CJ and Richards looking good coming back.

We all hope for the Shoebacca we loved in ‘14

Can it be that his luck wasn’t only a dream?

Of course we all hope another Year of the Trout;

But—please! LET THERE BE CRON

TO HIT THE BALL OUT!

You may say I’m f'n crazy and you’ve lost all respect,

Or I’m just trying to make up for my Halo Heaven neglect.

You may say it won’t happen with the stats in your hand,

And Turks Teeth is a’railin, "Trade the lout for Beltran!"

And I know he may only bat .222

And hit eighth in the lineup after Aybar is through.

But just please let us leap to our feat in mid shout

Screaming CRON THE DESTROYER!

HAS HIT THE BALL OUT!

I’m not asking much—oh no, not at all.

I just wanna see him park it out to the wall.

I just want to see him hustling ‘round second base

Slidin’ in with a triple, and the look on his face.

Wanna see that big boy jolt a game winning fly

And the Troutster a’scoring with his fist in the sky.

And I don’t care when it happens, don’t care what’s about

I just want to see CRON

HIT THE BALL F'N OUT!!!