(Hopefully) One Night Only! Comedy of Errors, starring the Los Angeles Angels!

Pirates 10, Angels 2

“IN ONE CORNER, THE RED CLUB FROM ANAHEIM, FEATURING A RECENT EIGHT GAME LOSING STREAK, YOUR LOS ANGELES ANGELS!”

“IN THE OTHER CORNER, THE UNDERDOGS, COMING INTO TONIGHT WITH THEIR OWN EIGHT GAME LOSING STREAK, JUST 4-24 SINCE THE ALL STAR BREAK, THE PITTSBURGH PIRATES!”

“And the stage is set and they’re off, going at it hard, these two heavyweights...”

**coughs offscreen

“Yes, well, we have to read whatever the producers want us to read. These two heavyweights, ready to duke it out, and...”

The announcer got no further as a liner that an Angel was supposed to catch went right through the glove and knocked the announcer out.

José Suarez, the youngling with the exorbitant home run rate (2.7 HR/9), needed all the help he could get. But the Angels played as if they wanted nothing more than to go home. After player I’ve genuinely never heard of before Kevin Newman singled to center, apparently really good rookie Bryan Reynolds flew out, but actual familiar face Starling Marte “singled” on a ground ball that went right through Wilfredo Tovar (mistake count: 1). Justin Upton jogged in, and Newman rounded second and ran for third because of Upton’s lack of effort (mistake count: 2). Home run derbier Josh Bell cashed in a run. Guy whose name I learned from that big brawl Jose Osuna grounded to Matt Thaiss, a not-third baseman, and Thaiss just dropped it (mistake count: 3). PED-user Melky Cabrera then grounded one to old man Albert Pujols, who wildly threw home (mistake count: 4) and framer Max Stassi decided to try for the spectacular play instead of actually, you know, blocking the ball. It went to the backstop (mistake count: 5) and allowed two Pittsburgh runs.

Then another no-namer Pablo Reyes grounded one right to Tovar, who dropped it (mistake count: 6), but was still able to throw to first and get his man. Then Jacob Stallings was hit by a pitch, except umpire Jeff Nelson didn’t realize it, and this whole thing was honestly a mess. That was just the top of the first.

The Pirates went on to hit four dingers, Chris Stratton (2.08 WHIP with the Angels!) went on to pitch three scoreless innings, Max Stassi got his first Angels hit(!), and Mike Trout walked twice without striking out to raise his season totals to 92 walks and 97 strikeouts.

Prospect Mitch Keller threw five innings of two-run (one earned) ball for the Pirates, who now improve to 5-24 since the All-Star Break. Seriously? Ugh. We lost to a team that was 4-24?

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And stay tuned for tomorrow at 9 am for something really cool to hit Halos Heaven!