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What if Max Stassi played without a baseball bat?

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Inspired by Jon Bois and a fellow Halos Heaven user.

Pittsburgh Pirates v Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim
Does he really need his bat?
Photo by John McCoy/Getty Images

Note: The following is somewhat unscientific and should be taken as such. Special thanks to Jon Bois and cornzzz for the idea.

Through August 20, 2019, Max Stassi has taken 35 plate appearances with the Los Angeles Angels. He’s gotten one hit. He’s walked thrice. His slash line is .032/.114/.032, good enough for a .147 OPS. This begs the question, why is Stassi swinging?

According to Brooks Baseball, Stassi has a high likelihood to whiff against breaking balls, an exceptionally high likelihood to whiff against fastballs, and a disastrously high likelihood to swing and miss against offspeed pitches. Rick Souddress, upon seeing this information: “Lmao. I like the word ‘disastrously’”.

Per Fangraphs, in 2019, Stassi’s Zone% is 48.7%, which means that 48.7% of the pitches he sees are in the strike zone. If Stassi were to play without a bat, then he would take all his pitches. If he got four balls before three strikes, he would be on base with a walk! On base...something he’s only done three times as an Angel.

I used a random number generator to simulate every single pitch Stassi would receive in the alternate universe of his 35 Angels PA. Using random.org, I generated a number from 1-1000. If it was from 1-487, the pitch was a strike. If it was from 488-1000, the pitch was a ball.

Here goes nothing:

PA 1: 797 (Ball 1), 575 (Ball 2), 919 (Ball 3), 52 (Strike 1), 18 (Strike 2), 929 (Ball 4) = WALK

PA 2: 898 (Ball 1), 544 (Ball 2), 48 (Strike 1), 959 (Ball 3), 661 (Ball 4) = WALK

PA 3: 553 (Ball 1), 790 (Ball 2), 471 (Strike 1), 93 (Strike 2), 554 (Ball 3), 17 (Strike 3) = STRIKEOUT

PA 4: 9 (Strike 1), 557 (Ball 1), 967 (Ball 2), 127 (Strike 2), 320 (Strike 3) = STRIKEOUT

PA 5: 86 (Strike 1), 580 (Ball 1), 883 (Ball 2), 876 (Ball 3), 113 (Strike 2), 669 (Ball 4) = WALK

PA 6: 577 (Ball 1), 860 (Ball 2), 120 (Strike 1), 27 (Strike 2), 125 (Strike 3) = STRIKEOUT

PA 7: 736 (Ball 1), 509 (Ball 2), 547 (Ball 3), 362 (Strike 1), 931 (Ball 4) = WALK

PA 8: 945 (Ball 1), 787 (Ball 2), 173 (Strike 1), 488 (wow! Ball 3), 208 (Strike 2), 785 (Ball 4) = WALK

PA 9: 911 (Ball 1), 807 (Ball 2), 419 (Strike 1), 802 (Ball 3), 447 (Strike 2), 196 (Strike 3) = STRIKEOUT

PA 10: 930 (Ball 1), 391 (Strike 1), 231 (Strike 2), 527 (Ball 2), 596 (Ball 3), 692 (Ball 4) = WALK

PA 11: 996 (Ball 1), 267 (Strike 1), 692 (Ball 2), 948 (Ball 3), 435 (Strike 2), 140 (Strike 3) = STRIKEOUT

PA 12: 549 (Ball 1), 644 (Ball 2), 988 (Ball 3), 452 (Strike 1), 456 (Strike 2), 153 (Strike 3) = STRIKEOUT

PA 13: 517 (Ball 1), 548 (Ball 2), 565 (Ball 3), 373 (Strike 1), 224 (Strike 2), 184 (Strike 3) = STRIKEOUT

PA 14: 574 (Ball 1), 817 (Ball 2), 506 (Ball 3), 586 (Ball 4) = WALK

PA 15: 107 (Strike 1), 391 (Strike 2), 361 (Strike 3) = STRIKEOUT

PA 16: 105 (Strike 1), 138 (Strike 2), 116 (Strike 3) = STRIKEOUT

PA 17: 735 (Ball 1), 528 (Ball 2), 602 (Ball 3), 574 (Ball 4) = WALK

Here’s a shot of the numbers from the middle of PA 10 to PA 17 (a random screenshot, if you will):

PA 18: 97 (Strike 1), 457 (Strike 2), 783 (Ball 1), 670 (Ball 2), 470 (Strike 3) = STRIKEOUT

PA 19: 738 (Ball 1), 58 (Strike 1), 407 (Strike 2), 607 (Ball 2), 829 (Ball 3), 773 (Ball 4) = WALK

PA 20: 401 (Strike 1), 39 (Strike 2), 400 (Strike 3) = STRIKEOUT

PA 21: 346 (Strike 1), 294 (Strike 2), 167 (Strike 3) = STRIKEOUT

PA 22: 889 (Ball 1), 382 (Strike 1), 87 (Strike 2), 801 (Ball 2), 874 (Ball 3), 217 (Strike 3) = STRIKEOUT

PA 23: 705 (Ball 1), 532 (Ball 2), 66 (Strike 1), 868 (Ball 3), 604 (Ball 4) = WALK

PA 24: 796 (Ball 1), 633 (Ball 2), 939 (Ball 3), 170 (Strike 1), 995 (Ball 4) = WALK

PA 25: 275 (Strike 1), 853 (Ball 1), 534 (Ball 2), 531 (Ball 3), 979 (Ball 4) = WALK

PA 26: 635 (Ball 1), 450 (Strike 1), 637 (Ball 2), 665 (Ball 3), 293 (Strike 2), 268 (Strike 3) = STRIKEOUT

PA 27: 156 (Strike 1), 509 (Ball 1), 517 (Ball 2), 410 (Strike 2), 156 (Strike 3) = STRIKEOUT

PA 28: 245 (Strike 1), 617 (Ball 1), 523 (Ball 2), 585 (Ball 3), 201 (Strike 2), 935 (Ball 4) = WALK

PA 29: 18 (Strike 1), 34 (Strike 2), 780 (Ball 1), 153 (Strike 3) = STRIKEOUT

PA 30: 812 (Ball 1), 471 (Strike 1), 99 (Strike 2), 687 (Ball 2), 476 (Strike 3) = STRIKEOUT

PA 31: 466 (Strike 1), 895 (Ball 1), 965 (Ball 2), 89 (Strike 2), 540 (Ball 3), 410 (Strike 3) = STRIKEOUT

PA 32: 325 (Strike 1), 739 (Ball 1), 685 (Ball 2), 511 (Ball 3), 731 (Ball 4) = WALK

PA 33: 907 (Ball 1), 99 (Strike 1), 532 (Ball 2), 841 (Ball 3), 295 (Strike 2), 453 (Strike 3) = STRIKEOUT

PA 34: 436 (Strike 1), 407 (Strike 2), 693 (Ball 1), 885 (Ball 2), 904 (Ball 3), 153 (Strike 3) = STRIKEOUT

PA 35: 242 (Strike 1), 694 (Ball 1), 848 (Ball 2), 663 (Ball 3), 119 (Strike 2), 557 (Ball 4) = WALK

Final results: 15 walks, 20 strikeouts

Final Stassi slash line: .000/.429/.000

This looks a lot better than his initial .032/.114/.032.

Poll

Should Max Stassi play without a baseball bat?

This poll is closed

  • 92%
    Yes!
    (184 votes)
  • 7%
    No!
    (15 votes)
199 votes total Vote Now